Love and Hope
by Ma'ane'i No Ke Aloha
Summary: Haley loses her memory in an accident. Major Naley and little Brucas and Jeyton.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I don't own One Tree Hill or any of the characters.

**Background summary:** _Everything in season 3 has happened til the school shooting, but Keith is not dead. There is a car accident and Haley is in coma. When she wakes up, se has amnesia. Her friends told her the basics, but she doesn't know that she's married to Nathan. Soon she starts having feelings for him, but she thinks he doesn't love her because he told her that he's in love with his wife (who is really her) and that he hope she'll come back someday._

_Just so you know, in this fic Nathan didn't moved in with Haley. He lives with his mom (yeah Deb came back) and Brooke and Haley still live together. This story starts when Haley is already out of the hospital._

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**Chapter One**

Nathan was sitting on the couch, trying to watch a basketball game, but he kept wondering about Haley, trying to decide wether or not he should go see her. At that moment, the phone rang. It was Lucas.  
"Hey man"  
"Hey"  
"Nate, you ok?" Lucas asked.  
"Am I ok? Damnit Luke, my wife was in an accident and in coma for 2 weeks. And now she doesn't even remember me. So no, I'm not ok. I'm far from it actually" Nathan answered angrily. "And the worst is that there is nothing I can do to help her"  
"Look, I know you must feel really frustrated, but things are gonna get better"  
"How do you now? What if she never remembers"  
"She will remember...She has to." Lucas whispered the last part.

Haley was sitting on the couch trying to watch a movie, but her mind kept wandering. She had so many questions.Right then, Brooke came in the living room.  
"Hey tutorgirl"  
"Hey Brooke" Haley answered weakly.  
"So what do you wanna do today"  
"Well I dunno"  
"I know, we could have a girls day, just you, me and Peyton. We could go shopping, have dinner and maybe a slumber party. That's gonna be so much fun. Go get dressed, I'm gonna call P. Sawyer"  
"Ok.." Haley responded. She was amused by the brunette enthusiasm, but she was a little uneasy, last she remembered, Lucas and her were the school outcasts, and now Brooke and Peyton, two of the most popular girls in Tree Hill High, were her two best girlfriends."

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	2. Chapter 2

_Sorry for the delay. Here is the new chapter. Hope you'll like it._

_The flashbacks are in italic._

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That night, Haley was lying in her bed restless. She couldn't sleep. Her mind kept replaying the events that had occured a few days earlier at the hospital.

_flashback_

_"She will come out," the voice was muted. Haley heard it as if she was underwater. She knew the speaker, but she couldn't place him, he was speaking slowly, so slowly and quietly. Everything around her was dark, cold and blurry._

_"There is no brain damage. She has a concussion, but... I don't know."_

_"Why is she still out? I don't understand. Do something! Fix her!" She didn't recognized that voice, but he sounded urgent, desperate._

_Why was she there? Where was she?_

_"Mr. Scott, I don't know. There is no medical reason she should still be unconscious. She could wake up at any time." Another voice she didn't know said._

_"She'll be ok. I'm sure she will." Again it was the speaker she knew._

_Lucas. It was Lucas. She tried to say his name, but no words were heard. And then suddenly in the darkness surrounding her she saw a point of light. She tried to say his name again. Nothing. She clung at the warm blanket covering her and tried to say his name again._

_"Lucas. Lucas," her voice sounded so faint, so soft and weak. She wanted to look at him, ask him what was wrong with her, but she was too weak and the light was too bright so she kept her eyes shut and didn't say another word._

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Nathan was at the rivercourt. He hadn't been able to sleep so he had come there and now he was shooting hoops. But his mind always led him back to the day Haley had woken up.

_flashback_

_Lucas and the doctor, whose name escaped Nathan, hovered over Haley. He didn't understand a word they were saying. Of course, he wasn't really listening, but he could have and they could have and it still would all be a blur. Haley was awake; she would be all right. That was all that mattered. The load that had been heavy upon him since the accident was lightening with every passing second._

_Haley would be all right. The pressure in his chest began to ease and the awful visions of life without her began to fade from his mind. She would be all right._

_Then the doctor and the nurse left and it was just Lucas and himself. He was being patient, holding himself back, but it was taking everything in him not to rush over and pull her into his arms. He needed to hold her, to touch her, to know without a single doubt that she would be all right, that everything was ok._

_He looked her over. She sat up, the pillows plumped behind her, her golden curls against their sterile white. She was smiling and her eyes were bright and shining, though a little confused and she was smiling.

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Please review._


	3. Chapter 3

_There is the new chapter. It follows directy the previous one, it's still in flashback in Nathan's POV._

_Hope you'll like it._**

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Chapter 3

_flashback (Nathan's POV)_

_"Lucas, were are my parents?" The question startled Lucas as much as it did him, he could tell. Lucas glanced over at Nathan, a shot of alarm in his eyes that he smothered quickly before returning to look at Haley._

_"Haley, your parents are not here. Remember?" There was a hopeful note and just a hint of fear in his voice and Nathan wanted to ask him why. What was wrong? But, he didn't want to upset Haley. She looked so peaceful._

_Well, not at that exact moment. Right then, she was frowning and then recognition dawned on her face. "Oh yeah, they're off visiting one of my siblings," and she laughed and Lucas glanced back at Nathan._

_"Right, they're visiting one of you siblings." And he laughed too. Lucas felt the tension loosen and he caught Haley's eye, but again her smiled dimmed. And a sense of unease struck him, but he forced himself to ignore it. She would be all right._

_She leaned over to the Lucas, her eyes sliding over Nathan again, a question in their gaze and her voice was low, but he could hear her. He could every word she said._

_"Who is he?"_

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_Who is he? Who is he? Who is he? Who is he?_

_No matter how he tried to escape the pain of those words he couldn't. He knew what it meant, that was all too clear. Haley had amnesia. She couldn't remember him, she wasn't alright after all. God, she didn't know who he was._

_When he'd heard those words, when she'd looked at him blankly with just the mildest curiosity and the slightest unease, he'd felt his heart literally plummet to his feet. Lucas met his gaze and then said something to Haley. Something, Nathan didn't know, the words had been garbled, gibberish, all he could hear were her words - Who is he? - and nothing else registered._

_How could she forget him? How could she forget everything they were together, everything they'd been through together? How? How? And then that word kept repeating in his mind, that and her words - Who is he? - and he'd asked Lucas and the doctor that one word when they walked over to him._

_"How?"_

_Lucas had shaken his head slightly and the doctor had then opened the door, urging them outside of her room. "Mr. Scott, she has some sort of amnesia brought on by the injury."_

_"How? Why is this happening? How can she forget me?" He didn't understand._

_"Mr. Scott, it's nothing personal. It just happened. Sometimes this kind of accident can cause memory loss. We don't know why it happens, but it does - it is hopefuly only temporary. By this evening, you'll probably be both laughing about this."_

_He'd asked if he could see her._

_No._

_That had been the doctor's answer, straightforward and to the point. No. He had to find out how far back the amnesia went, what she knew, what she didn't and Nathan would have only interfered._

_And so here he stood outside his wife's room, pacing back and forth, asking the same question over and over again - How? - hearing her question over and over again - Who is he? - and it hurt. Stupid, he knew, but it hurt._

_God, it hurt._

_Who is he? Who is he? Who is he? Who is he?_

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Please review._


	4. Chapter 4

_Heu guy, here is the new chapter. Again it's all flashbacks._

_Thanks for the reviews._**

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Chapter 4

flashback (Haley's POV)

_The door closed behind Lucas and the doctor. They were off to speak to a resident psychiatrist, Dr. Robertson, about the best way to proceed with the situation. The doctor's words - "proceed with the situation". Other than that, he hadn't answered any questions, instead he'd told her that she'd had an accident and had lost her memory - two years of her life. Beyond that he wouldn't tell her anything else - where her parents were and who that guy was, the one with the dark hair and blue eyes, the one who made her feel all funny inside. She felt so strange when he looked at her._

(Nathan's POV)

_He stood outside her door, debating whether or not to obey the doctor's orders. He glanced back at the corner that his brother and the doctor had turned around twenty minutes ago. This wasn't fair. They weren't even telling him anything the doctor hadn't answered one question, just told him to stay out and then he'd rushed off._

_Reaching out, Nathan laid his hand upon her door, his head bent. She was his wife, damnit! and he wanted to see her, now. He looked up, determination upon his face and pushed the door open. She was sitting up in bed, her eyes were closed but she was not sleeping. Her hands lay in her lap; she twisting her fingers and tear streaks stained her face._

_Shutting the door behind him, he moved towards her. Her eyes opened and he stood still as their gazes locked. The silence hovered in the air, neither one able to break the spell that caught them._

_Then he was before her and his hand reached out, cupping her face. Bending over, he saw shock, confusion and the faintest hint of desire in her eyes. His thumb caressed the curve of her cheek as he clung to that one thread of emotion. Desire. Her eyes fell to his lips. The shock darted away, while confusion and desire raged._

_"Nathan!" He jumped back and spun around. Lucas stood in the door with a doctor he didn't recognize. Nathan turned and looked back at Haley: she was staring at him as if he was a two-headed monster. And there was fear on her face, in her eyes. He staggered back._

_"Haley?" She was afraid of him. No, she couldn't be afraid of him. He looked at her face, looked in her eyes. She was afraid. Of the situation, God let it be the situation that was scaring her, not him._

_She shook her head slowly and tears began to trickle down her face. "Who are you? Who are you?" And her voice was thick with tears and pain ran ragged through her words. He turned and looked back at Lucas - there was sadness and helplessness on his face. He swung back to face Haley, his wife.

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Please read and review.


	5. Chapter 5

_Again the chapter is in flashbacks. Hope you'll like it._**

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Chapter 5

flashback (Nathan's POV)

_She didn't remember him, she didn't remember Brooke, or Peyton. She didn't remember their wedding. She didn't remember any of it, any of them._

_And she didn't remember him. She didn't remember him at all._

_He sat outside her room, his face buried in his hands and shook his head. "Nathan, the doctor told you not to go in there." Lucas said for the third time._

_"I know. I know he did." He looked up at his brother. "He also didn't mention why?"_

_"You knew she lost her memory, you knew that she didn't remember you."_

_"Damnit!" A couple of nurses looked over at him and he lowered his voice. "I thought that maybe she had just forgotten some things , you know that she had erased the bad stuff." He laughed and repeated bitterly, "the bad stuff."_

_Lucas sat down beside him, and leaned back. "Nathan" he sighed and Nathan turned to face him._

_"Why? We're happy, why would it all just go away because of the accident. It doesn't make any sense."_

_Haley's doctor heard what Nathan had said._

_"You're right, it doesn't, but there is so much we still don't know about amnesia, why it happens, why you forget some things and remember others. Why it comes back quickly, in a few months, a few years, never. It's one of the things that modern medicine hasn't found an answer for."_

_Nathan stood up and walked over to her door. "What's gonna happen now?"_

_The doctor sighed, "I don't know. She could remember anytime."_

_"Or never. She might never remember?"_

_He nodded, "Right, she might never remember, but" he trailed off._

_"What?" Nathan turned to face him._

_"Nathan," Lucas said, "she's confused. She doesn't remember you in her mind, but I think," he laughed," this sounds so corny, but I think her heart remembers you."_

_"Well, I wish her heart tell her mind so I can take her home and we can forget all of this ... or is it remember?" Nathan walked back over and sat down, his head shaking back and forth, a wry smile curving his lips._

_Lucas smiled along with him.  
"It doesn't work that way." Nathan turned and looked at the doctor._

_"Why do these crazy things keep happening to us? The last few weeks have been wonderful, nobody tried to kill anybody lately" He paused and met Lucas's look, "a joke." He shook his head again, "a bad joke."_

_"Yeah." Lucas concurred._

_"Yeah, sorry." He turned back to the doctor, "So how long are you gonna keep her here?" He glanced back over at Haley's room._

_"Well, Dr. Robertson is evaluating the situation. We're trying to decide just how much to tell her."_

(Haley's POV)

_"Haley. Haley?" Lucas repeated her name, leaning over slightly. Glancing up at him, she giggled._

_"I'm sorry, my mind was just wandering. What?" She smiled._

_"Are you okay?" Brotherly concern filled his voice and her smile grew. She had missed him. He had always been like a brother to her._

_"Yeah, I'm fine, I'm just a little confused."_

_"Haley -" he began, but she cut him off._

_"Who was he? The guy who was here before."_

_"Haley, I talked with your doctor and Dr. Robertson and they think that there are certain things we have to tell you." His voice was so serious, dead serious. He was acting so strange and she told him so._

_"Lucas, you're strange." That got a smile out of him, but that smile dimmed quickly._

_The moment passed and the fear of the situation took hold again. Too much. This was all too much. Her smile faded, and she wanted to cry. She wanted to cry so much._

_"Lucas, it's so hard." she paused and swallowed over the tears that were threatening._

_"Haley..."He looked so sorry, so sorry and she had the urge to tell him to shut up, to stop talking now._

_"So? Who is he?" she asked again._

_"Nathan. My brother." The doctor had told Nathan and him not to tell her things about what had happen in the time she didn"t remember. He said it was better to let her remember them by herself._

_"Your brother? You mean Dan's son. The one who ignored you all your life? What was he doing here?"_

_That was going to be harder than he thought. "Haley, some things changed and Nathan and I have become closer." That didn't reveal too much. It would be enough for now._

_"Do I know him?" Maybe not._

_"Huh, yeah."_

_"Oh, ok."_

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Please review. _

_He was glad that she seemed to accept just what he had said. But why would she doubt it?_


	6. Chapter 6

_Here is the new chapter. It's still in flashback, I think there will be one or two more chapters like this. _

_Hope you'll like it. Please review._

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**Chapter 6**

flashback

_Haley felt so alone. She felt as if everything she knew had changed. Brooke and Peyton had even visited her. Two girls she never thought would one day talk to her. But from what she had seen, they seemed really friendly and they also seemed to know her quite well, which she didn't. Karen had also visited with Keith, she was glag they did so, even if she was a little surprised to see they were together, though she had always thought they would be one day.  
But anyway, she felt alone._

_Nathan slowly opened the door and peeked inside; Haley was lying on her side, her back to the door. She was crying, making pathetic, sniffling noises._

_Nathan closed his eyes, his fists clenched as he fought the urge to take his wife into his arms. Instead, he pulled a chair up to the side of the bed and sat down. He wasn't sure what to say, if this had been his Haley, he would know exactly what to do, but like this, he didn't know, he just didn't know, so he waited for her to speak._

_After a few more beats of silence she did. "Lucas said you two really bonded." She still wouldn't look at him._

_"Uh, yeah, we did," he paused, shaking his head slightly, "we became real brothers."_

_"I'm glad you did." She was quiet again and then suddenly she turned around and faced him. "Were we close? You and I?"_

_His eyes widened and he straightened up in his chair. "You and I?" he looked towards the door, thinking what an excellent time it would be for Lucas to pop back in. Or Karen, she said she was coming back. She did say she was coming back. The door remained closed. He looked back at Haley._

_And his heart fell. Tears streaked her face; her lips were red from biting, red splotches stood out against her stark, pale face. Her eyes were wide and luminous with unshed tears and filled with pain, so much pain. She looked as if she were about to burst any moment. When she spoke, he heard the effort in her voice, the control she was exerting to keep the pain inside._

_He was looking at her so strangely. Her eyes closed and she wished with everything in her that it would all go away. But she knew it would not; she knew because he was still here. She didn't have to open her eyes, she just knew he was here, just like she had known it was him when he walked into the room. When she turned around, she'd wanted to be wrong, wanted it to be someone else, anyone else._

_Knowing this man, yet not knowing him was the strangest thing of all._

_She opened her eyes and looked at him. He still hadn't answered her question - were they close - she wanted to know. She needed to know, they must have been if he was there? Did they have a good relationship?_

_She had to know._

_There was so much things she had to know, so much she needed to know._

_She heard him move towards her, felt his arms go around her and it felt so good, so right. He whispered soft words into her hair, made shushing noises as he stroked her back. Clinging to him, she began to cry, letting it out, letting out the pain and the tears and the anger that had been building since Lucas had told her. _

_"I'm not supposed to be here" she cried and he nodded against her head. "I'm not supposed to be here," she repeated, her voice small. "What am I supposed to do now? How can I do this? I don't know, I don't know anything. I can't do this. I can't do this alone."_

_And then his voice was soft and sure. "Yes, you can." He pulled back slightly and captured her gaze with his own. "You're not alone."_

_She nodded, wanting to believe him._

_"Haley, you are not alone. I will be with you," and then he smiled and there was the hint of tears in his eyes as he spoke each word clearly, "every step of the way. I will be with you."_


	7. Chapter 7

_Hey guys. Thanks for your wonderful reviews. I tried to make this chapter longer. It's the last one in flashback. Hope you'll like it._

_Please review, it makes me write faster._**

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Chapter 7

flashback

_Haley was at her appartement now. The doctor had given her a clean bill of health and Dr. Robertson had allowed her release. And he was here alone in his mother's house, instead of with his wife at their place, or what used to be their place._

_Damn! He hated this; he hated the fact that Haley was alone right now. She needed somebody; she needed him as she grieved something that didn't even feel real to her. He'd been with her when they walked into the door at the appartement; he'd seen the look on her face. Despite what Lucas had told her, she had still believed somewhere in her heart that nothing had changed. But there she was, in place that should be familiar, but that she didn't recognized. And she lived with Brooke, a girl that she didn't even really know._

_The tears had begun. Lucas had tried to hold her, but she had pulled away. Her gaze had turned to Brooke, but Brooke was a stranger to her now. So she had stood there, needing comfort, needing to feel the arms of someone around her and there had been no one to offer it._

_Moments of pain passed, Lucas and Brooke exchanging glances, Karen holding back her own tears. Finally, Nathan couldn't take it anymore, he'd stepped forward, and before he'd even finished saying her name she had turned to him and flung herself in his arms. She had turned to him and there had been a second where everything had seemed right again, but then his arms slipped around her and she had stiffened at the unfamiliarity of it before relaxing into his embrace._

_Nathan closed his eyes and released a shaky breath. She'd pulled away soon after, wiping teary eyes and then had gone in the bedroom with a whispered 'goodbye.' He hadn't seen her since and it was killing him. He missed her. He missed his wife._

_She had been home for a day and a half now. He'd called yesterday and today and Lucas, who spent most of his time there since he was one of the only person she remembered, had said that it was too soon to come over. Too soon, it would upset her too much; she needed to settle down a bit, rushing Nathan into her life too quickly might cause more problems. Dr. Roberston had told them that it was best if she could remember by herself._

_After he'd hanged up the phone, he couldn't take it anymore. He wanted to see her now. He wanted to see her, touch her, kiss her, make love to her. He wanted to hear her voice, talk to her, listen to her. He wanted to lay in bed with her and watch her breathe. He opened his eyes, looking about the room, knowing what he was going to do before he even finished the thought. To hell with them, he missed her; he missed his wife._

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_She was on the bed when he opened the door, curled into a fetal position as sobs racked her body. He didn't even think; he just rushed to her side and pulled her into his arms. She fought him at first, her fists flailing out; she struck his face, his shoulder, his chest before he caught her arms, before he pulled her tightly to him. And then all of the fight drained out of her._

_Minutes passed and as each second flew by, the storm grew weaker, her sobs becoming sniffles, the angry tension spiraling about her dissipating. Finally, she was quiet, only an occasional whimper breaking the silence. His eyes darted about the room, wondering what had set her off. She hadn't been like this even after she'd found out about her amnesia._

_"Haley," he whispered her name softly and slowly she pulled away, raising her tear-stained face to look at him. "What is it? What happened?"_

_"You're always here when I need you," she murmured softly and then she looked down and crawled out of his embrace. Sliding off the bed, she walked over to the bureau and picking up a picture frame, she hugged it tightly to her chest. He watched her in silence._

_"Haley?" he said her name again and she turned to face him. Fresh tear tracks stained her face and she slowly fell to her knees, sobs building up within her again. Nathan shook his head, feeling at a loss, not knowing what to do, what to say. She spoke for him._

_"Things have changed" and there was such anguish in her voice, the likes of which he'd never heard before. "You and Luke grew to like each other, I live with Brooke, who's Lucas' girlfriend." He nodded, still awash in confusion._

_"Haley, you know that," but even before he was finished speaking she was talking, interrupting him._

_"- No, I knew," and her voice was so filled with pain, "I knew what Lucas said," and his name was a curse. "But I didn't know. I didn't know. It wasn't real, it couldn't be real. It was just a bad dream. It was a bad dream."_

_His eyes closed and he sat back on his heels. "You remember?" and he opened his eyes, but he shouldn't have. He shouldn't have let her seen his eyes, because there was joy, there was happiness because - Thank God! - she remembered. Suddenly, she was back on the bed, the picture on the floor forgotten as she lunged at him, hitting him - her fists hard and angry against him and she was crying, calling him names._

_"Jerk! I hate you, you jerk," and she paused to stare at him, anger and frustration filling her face as she searched for the words to hurt him. "You, you asshole!" She cried out and a flush invaded her fair skin and then she fell back, her face crumpling and then defiantly she looked back up at him, "but I'm not sorry, because you are that. I'm so lost and you're happy -"_

_"Haley, I'm -," but she cut him off._

_" - You are! I saw it in your eyes. You're happy. You're glad I'm lost." And then she was at him again, trying to hurt him. He reached out and grabbed her flying fists and held her still._

_"Listen to me, you're wrong," she looked away, denying his words. "Look at me." She refused. "Haley, look at me!" Slowly, she turned to face him, her eyes narrowed in anger and pain. "I am not happy that you're lost. I wish that you weren't. If I looked happy - listen to me," he cried out as a wall dropped over her expression, "if I looked happy, it's because you remember," and then he stopped, unable to keep the disappointment out of his voice, out of his eyes. "But you don't really, do you?"_

_She pulled her arms free and he let her. She was quiet for a moment and he could see the debate that was going on in her mind clearly on her face. Finally, with a pitiful sigh and a closing of her eyes, she decided to forgive him. She looked at him again, "I do remember Lucas joining the basketball team. I remember finding out. I know this morning he was still playing at the rivercourt in my mind, but it came back a little while ago. That's all I remember. I still don't remember you."_

_She dropped her gaze, silent tears trickling down her face. Reaching out a hand, he pushed her hair back behind her ear and murmured softly. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She nodded._

_"I'm sorry I hit you and," she paused and a slight pink flushed her features, "that I called you that - that name."_

_"It's okay, I've been called worse, sometimes with reason." He smiled. "Do you want to talk about it?"_

_She gazed at him, contemplating his offer and then she nodded. Brushing her hair back and wiping at her tears, she sat Indian style. "It was weird when I first started to remember. It was like I was watching a movie with all of these people that I knew. Karen, Keith, Lucas and then suddenly I saw myself and I was there. It was like I was right there in the moment, living it over again."_

_"It wasn't a memory anymore. I was there. And I could suddenly feel everything that I felt I suppose when it really happened. It wasn't like when you remember something and the feeling isn't," she paused, searching for an explanation. "You know, when it's not as strong, cuz it's only a memory?"_

_Nathan nodded, fascinated and scared at the same time by this. Was this how she would remember everything? Would it all be this real? Would she remember loving and marrying him? Chris? Leaving to go on tour? The school shooting?_

_"This is so real. This is not a memory, this is my life and I'm living it. It's going in fastforward. And what with the bad stuff? How am I gonna do this? I'll go crazy." And tears began falling again. He pulled her to him and this time she didn't fight him and when his arms encircled her, she didn't stiffen._

_"It's not all bad, baby," he said softly and then hesitated, not sure if he should continue, but he wouldn't lie to her. He had sworn to her that he would never lie to her again, and despite the situation, he wasn't about to break that promise. "But it's not all good from here on out either. There's some rough stuff ahead." He brought his hands up and cupped her face, pulling her away a little so that he could look at her._

_"It's gonna be tough, but you will not be alone. I promise you that. You will not be alone." She gazed at him, her eyes full of trust. She believed him; she believed in him._


	8. Chapter 8

_Hey guys! Thanks for your wonderful replies. Hope you'll like this chapter. I tried to make it longer. Please review._**

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Chapter 8

Her bedroom was unfamiliar and yet not. Lying upon her bed, Haley thought that again as she wriggled her back, her gaze locked intently on the date of her calendar. Although she had come home from the hospital less than a month, it seemed like much more. So much had changed from what she remembered. And now she was living with Brooke of all people. How they could have gotten close enough to become roommates was beyond her understanding.

She grinned, but that quickly faded and Haley breathed a sad sigh. Her parents weren't even living in Tree Hill anymore. But she knew sha had a great support system, though she didn't really knew or remembered half of it. Lucas, Karen, Keith, Brooke, Peyton, Nathan.

Thinking of Nathan, his name brought a dreamy smile to her face, as always. He was so handsome and so nice and sweet and gentle and wonderful. Lucas didn't like him hanging around all the time, apparently because of what the doctor had told them, but he was the only one she was truly comfortable with anymore and Lucas was doing his best to make her happy.

And Nathan Scott made her happy. He was always there for her. He promised that she wouldn't be alone and she hadn't.

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Nathan knocked on the door quickly. And then again. No answer, he reached over and turned the knob, it wasn't locked. Pausing for a moment, he considered waiting for someone to answer. He hadn't seen Haley in a week, she was always with Lucas or Karen or Keith or even Brooke.

Nathan and Lucas had only been talking with Haley's doctor, but he still wasn't comfortable with the idea of telling her everything, and because he was the doctor, Nathan had agreed to stay away. But damnit, it'd been a week now. He missed her. Besides, she had called him, asking him to come over and it wasn't the first time either. He was tired of making up excuses and he missed her, damnit, so here he was, to hell with everyone. He pushed the door open an inch or two and then with one final thought - I did use to live here - he pushed it open all the way and walked inside.

"Brooke? Lucas?" There was no response, and then came the clattering of footsteps coming from the bedroom. He grinned and tried one more name, "Haley?" The sound of steps slowed down and she entered the living room, looking every inch the perfect lady. A big smile lit her face when she saw him.

He knew why. It wasn't because this Haley loved him, it was too soon for that, but she certainly was starting to have feelings for him. He figured that Lucas was aware of that little detail which was why he was doing his best to keep them apart. Not that he didn't want them to be together like he did when they first started dating, but he knew they had to follow the doctor's orders. He was afraid that Nathan would take advantage of her in this state - although, how it could be termed 'taking advantage of' was beyond him. She was his wife.

Regardless, he certainly wasn't going to do anything with her now . She didn't remember him, not like she used to. And besides he couldn't. He couldn't and she wouldn't even want him to. Haley wasn't one to have an affair with a maried guy. That's right, she thought he was married. Well he was, but she didn't know it was with her. All that misunderstanding came from the fact that he still wore his wedding band, Haley's has been retrieved after the accident. She saw his ring and he couldn't tell her that she was his wife.

"I'm glad you could come, I, like, missed you," a slight blush spread across her face and she looked away. "How are you?" She asked the floor and Nathan grinned again. She was incredibly cute.

"I'm fine, and you?" He walked over to her, all the while noting the deepening flush on her face. The fact that she thought he was married didn't changed her feelings, but she felt a little uneasy.

"I'm good," she looked up at him and then laughed. "This is silly, I just feel like a different person now then, like, the last time I saw you. It's always like it's been forever but no time at all when I don't see you." She looked away again, "stupid."

Nathan moved closer and reached out a hand, turning her face to him, his touch felt good to her, "no, not at all. It's the same for me." She raised her eyes to him and a smile lit her face, shining in her eyes, suffusing her whole being. "You're so beautiful," he whispered, his fingers still pressed lightly against her throat, his thumb caressing her cheek. And her smile faded, deeper pink coloring her skin. Her lips parted softly and she leaned in just the slightest. He stared down at her, fighting the urge to take her into his arms, his fist clenched inside his pocket and he released a shaky breath.

Dropping his hand, he turned away.

"Did you remember more?" He could hear the trembling in his voice and hoped to God that she didn't understand it, if she even caught it. Glancing over his shoulder, he saw her expression and almost laughed aloud. And he thought his Haley was terrible at hiding her emotions, this version was as easy to read as a flashing neon sign. Confusion, disappointment - a heavy, heavy dose of disappointment - anxiety and yeah, lust flew rapidly across her face in degrees of perplexity.

"Remember? Oh, no."

"I'm sure it'll come back to you, it just takes some time." He told her as he settled down on the couch.

"Yeah..." she sat beside him.

He was looking at her the way he did sometimes, the way he had in the hospital, the way he had only moments before. Her heart began racing a mile a minute and her mouth was suddenly dry as butterflies did the mambo in her stomach. And still he looked at her, not making a move. He just stared at her, looking into her eyes as his tongue lit out and lightly licked his lower lip. A slight whimper escaped her throat.

His arm rose slightly and he placed a hand against the column of her throat, his fingers slowly caressing the soft skin there.

"Nathan," she whispered his name, trying to find some semblance of normalcy in the sound of her voice. His thumb moved up and circled a gentle massage on her cheek. Normal faded farther and farther away. She swallowed thickly as his thumb drifted again, resting against her bottom lip. Her tongue slipped out - she squirmed in surprise, she hadn't meant to do that - and gingerly tasted the salty flesh. His smile grew and the warmth spread hotter and faster throughout her body.

"Nathan," she breathed again, and this time his name was a plea, maybe even a prayer to make this feeling last forever and ever. He tugged gently on her lip - once, twice - as his head lowered, his eyes still holding her own. Her breath came quickly, her heart racing; racing, running, flying, dancing and then it stopped for a moment. Her breath suspended as he paused before her face, his breath hovering over her lips and then in a rush, she exhaled quickly, afraid to inhale, afraid to move, afraid to break the spell.

His tongue came out again and gently touched her lower lip. She turned to liquid inside, held up now by only his hands around her face, his tongue upon her lip. His thumb slipped away as he brushed his lips against hers for a brief moment. Her lips clung to his, instinctively knowing the feel of this man's mouth. And then he pulled away slightly, just slightly; Haley let out a shaky breath just as his lips lowered again, gingerly touching her top lip, placing a tame kiss there and then on her bottom lip.

Her hands rose slowly, languidly as if swimming in water and rested against his chest, her fingers catching hold of the lapels of his shirt and then tightening her grip as he pulled away yet again, his breath once more hovering over her. Her eyes opened slowly and her gaze was rewarded with a beautiful sight - this man, Nathan staring at her with the exact look of wonder upon his face that she felt blossoming within her. There was the hint of moisture around his dark eyes and a dazed joy in his expression.

"Haley," he murmured in hushed tones, reverence and love, so much love, filling her name. His hand, shaking slightly, floated over her throat, sidling down her arm; his arm curved about her waist and his fingers splayed across the small of her back. Pulling her close to him, she gladly welcomed the movement, sighing as her body pressed against his, contact that at once felt strange and yet familiar.

And as that feeling arose within her, Nathan's other arm trailed along the curve of her waist before a slight pressure of his fingers brushed against the side of her breast, a breathy sigh emerged from between her lips.

She pressed her body, closer to him, to his touch. Lifting her face, she couldn't halt the whimper that escaped her once more; she wanted to feel his kiss again. She wanted more, more than he was giving, but still she was afraid, nervous, too shy, unable to make the move. As if reading her mind, his hand rose again, now resting against the side of her face, his hand cradling her head in his palm, his head bending at an angle.

Haley closed her eyes as his lips parted above hers. Her hand loosened upon his shirt and rose to encircle his neck, her fingers pulling at his dark hair as his lips found hers once more, as his kiss at last deepened, his tongue tentatively exploring the inside of her mouth, gently entangling with her own.

She moaned softly against his lips as she drove her body ever closer to his, as gradually the softness, the gentle loving of his kiss grew more passionate, ardent desire capturing hold. He pulled her to him, his arm firm around her waist as their lips meld and clung, parting to allow desperate breaths to emerge, meeting again in need and pleasure.

This felt right - this man, this kiss.

Suddenly, she pulled away, her hands dropping, her breathing coming quickly and heavily. What was she doing? He was married. She couldn't kiss him. He looked dazed, confused, his face was flushed and he kept looking around the room. She tried to stand up, but found that her legs were like Jell-O.

"You need to go, you have to go," her voice was thick, husky, a tremor running through the words.

"Haley," he trailed off. He didn't understand why she had pulled away. And then he remembered, he was married. Gosh, that was so messed up, his wife didn't want to kiss him, because she felt as if they were cheating on his wife, who was really her. Why did it had to be so complicated.

He carefully pulled away from her touch, looking away with obvious effort "I need to go. Now."

She nodded, and then whispered, "okay," realizing that he couldn't see her nod, he was looking anywhere but at her. Her eyes fell to the ground, feeling strange and weak and scared and ashamed. He took a last look at her and left.

Haley stared around the empty room. Carefully, she brought her fingers to her lips, taking in the slightly bruised feel of them and then a warm teardrop fell upon her hand. She hadn't even realized she was crying.


	9. Chapter 9

_Thanks for the reviews, you guys are great. Here's the next chapter._

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**Chapter 9**

Nathan was still shaking when he got home. That was a mistake; that had been such a mistake. He slammed the front door behind him and jerked his jacket off, throwing it across the room.

"Fuck!" he hollered. Closing his eyes, he let out a deep breath. She was there, like an angel drawn upon the back of his lids - in his mind, in his heart, in his soul and he couldn't have her. He couldn't be with her. And he wanted to so badly - it was a fiery need building inside of him, but it had been a slow build. Just seeing her, talking to her, reminding himself in the moments when she seemed like his Haley, that she wasn't - not now, not yet, that had been one thing. He could separate his need for his wife, his desire, his passion, his fucking lust for her and just compartmentalize - this was not she yet. Not yet. For the moment, he was married but not to her. Why had it to be so messed up?

But now, today, kissing her - her lips soft, achingly tender and hesitant. For her she was kising him for the first time. A woman in love kissing - kissing him, the feel of her skin, her hair, the curve of her cheek, her touch - kissing her had been like a match set to flames already rising. It had been a month since he had kissed her, touched her, made love to her.

Had he honestly thought that one kiss would be only that? Just one kiss. That it would be enough to satisfy him, keep him sane while he waited for her to love him again? Was he that stupid? Even now he wanted to get back in his car, drive over there and ravish her senseless, rip her clothes off, make mad, passionate love to her all day long - all night long.

Lucas was right. Lucas was so right. He should have just stayed away and never been alone with her. He never should have kissed her. Never. Never. She still thought he was married and if she hadn't pulled away right then, he would have done a hell of a lot more than kiss her. And then? What would have happenned? Would it have been so bad? Of course it was. Who was he kidding? Haley would never accept it.

This wasn't fair. This wasn't right. How dare this happen to them? How many different ways was God or fate going to test them? Their love? Why couldn't they just be happy, why all of this? Why? He just wanted his wife to love, to be with, to spend the rest of his life with. Was that so much to ask? Too much?

Did he love her too much? Was that it?

"Goddamnit!" he yelled, his arms flying out and throwing the vase off the table. Remains of the darkened, lifeless petals, withered beyond recognition lay still on the flat surface. Raising a hand up, he wiped his tears away and then reached out for one of the decimated petals. It crumpled between his fingers to nothing.

"Goddamn you," he whispered, as he fell onto the chair, sobs building, his fist clenching the red tablecloth, pulling it down until it lay puddled at his feet like blood spilt - or passion unspent.

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Haley stood up in a daze. It felt like hours since he had left, but the clock revealed only the passing of thirty minutes. Sighing, she brought her fingers to her lips again and headed to the bedroom. Her legs still felt weak and she still felt the butterflies dancing inside of her. The pressure of his lips, his fingers, his hands, his body - the imprint of it remembered burned against her flesh. And she wondered for the first time how she could ever have forgotten that man.

His kiss.

His kiss. What a marvelous, wonderful feeling this was - his kiss had been. Never could she have imagined, dreamed anything could be so wonderful, feel so wonderful. But it wasn't right. It wasn't even something she could have remembered. He could never had kissed her. He was married.

Of course she knew that. How could she let him kiss her? How could she let herself kiss him? Why hadn't him pull away?

Stepping into her room, she had a sudden thought. She had received a diary for her twelfth birthday and hadn't written much in it then, but she had later. She vaguely remembered writing stuff down, but in the rush of memories and, of course, in the presence of Nathan she had forgotten all about it.

Curiosity begged her to track it down, perhaps she had written about a kiss, maybe he had kised her before. Perhaps she has written about meeting Nathan. At the thought (and easily ignoring the strict instructions from Lucas and Dr. Robertson that knowing too much too soon wouldn't be good for her and she should remember by herself), she began digging through her desk and bureau.

No luck. Haley then turned to her closet. Reaching inside, she pulled on the light string and pushed some clothes to the side. There was a box in the back full of books and things and she thought it might be in there. Grasping the sides of it, she began dragging it out and as she did, a rolled up sheathe of papers fell down, hitting her foot.

She pulled the box out, clearing it from the closet and reached for the fallen papers. Moving to the bed, she unrolled them and a small gasp escaped her at what they were, pictures of her with a blonde guy. In some of them the guy hold a guitar. She set one down and began carefully looking at each one.

Something stirred at her memory, but it was not as strong as those twinges she felt around Nathan. Closing her eyes for a moment, she ignored the pictures and saw his face, remembered his kiss. Another breathy sigh escaped her. Nathan. One of the sheets fell from her hands and the rustling drew her attention back. Bending down, she picked it up, her gaze falling upon the names at the back of the picture: Haley and Chris.

"Chris," she said aloud, seeing if it brought to mind anything. "Chris," she tried again and felt nothing.

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The phone rang. Nathan stared at it, debating whether to throw it across the room or politely answer it. Rising to his feet, he grabbed the handle and settled for a disgruntled, "what?"

"Nathan?"

It was Haley. He felt his stomach knot as an image of her erupted in his mind.

"Nathan, are you there?" Her voice was soft and sweet and full of concern. He forced his eyes open and let out a breath.

"I'm here, what's up?" He could just see her in his mind, sitting on her bed, her legs curled beneath her, her legs, long and soft.

"Nathan? Are you okay?" again her voice interrupted his mental meandering, her voice, so soft and sweet. "I just wanted to ask you something, but if this is a bad time.." she trailed off.

"No, no," he forced himself to concentrate on the moment. "What do you need?" He strove for normalcy and judging by her immediate exhale of breath and the cheeriness that came across the line in her words, he succeeded.

"I was looking for my diary, cuz I wondered if I had written anything about you -"

"Don't!" He couldn't help it, all normalcy faded. God, no. "Haley," he paused and bit his lip, searching for control. "Remember, Dr. Robertson told you not to rush ahead of yourself."

"I know, I know, I just wanted to see, if, you know, like, what I wrote about everything, about you... maybe about kissing you."

"Haley, Haley," he held the phone away from his mouth and lowered himself onto the couch. How could he do this? How could he say this without hurting her? "Haley, it was wonderful, but it can't happen again. I shouldn't have kissed you, Haley."

"I know, I understand." Of course they shouldn't have. He was married. "I did want to ask you something though."

"What?" he sighed, wishing he were with her, if only so he could see the ever-changing, ever-obvious moods fly across her face.

"As I said, I was looking for my diary -"

"Haley, stop looking for it!" Now, he really wished he was with her, he could impress the necessity of her not doing so much more thoroughly in person.

"I won't, okay, I won't. Anyway," and now she sounded aggravated and he could just see the rolling of her eyes, "I found these pictures in the back of the closet."

His back stiffened.

"They were of me, Nathan. And a blonde guy with a guitar."

His throat was tight, he could barely squeak the words out, "you did?" He closed his eyes again, would she remember Chris? Would she remember him and not Nathan? Would she remember what had happened with Chris?!

"Yeah, and I was wondering, who's Chris?"


	10. Chapter 10

_Thanks for your replies. Hope you'll like this chapter. Please review._

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Chapter 10

"Chris?" his voice was suddenly strained to her ears. She wondered if he was still thinking about their kiss. She certainly couldn't get it out of her mind. The feel of his hands on her skin, his lips, his tongue; there was an arousal of feelings that she had never known even existed before. And now she knew - because of Nathan. Nathan Scott, she thought with a happy sigh.

"Haley, are you there?" A flush swept across her face and she thanked God that he wasn't there, she had a feeling that he could read her every thought just by looking at her.

"I'm fine, I'm sorry. So who is Chris?" She could hear the tremor in her voice, the feathery, breathy rush of air that was her voice whenever she thought of him doing things to her.

"Chris was, uh, this guy. He's a musician. He left town about four months ago."

"Was he your friend?"

"I thought you remembered him," and his voice was even more strained this time. She sat up straighter.

"Nathan, are you okay? Your voice sounds different. Are you still upset about what happened? If it really bothered you, I'm sorry. I really am, I wouldn't upset you for anything. I know that you're married and I shouldn't have done that" she paused and bit her lip. "Nathan, you're very important to me and I wouldn't want to lose you because I did something stupid."

He spoke as soon as she was silent. "Haley, I'm not upset with you. Not at all. I'm just- you affect me. But I am not angry with you or upset with you at all. Please, please don't think that." He took a deep breath and she did as well on her own, relieved beyond measure. The idea that she had pushed him away was more than she could bear. "Now, you asked about Chris, do you remember him?"

"No, I just saw his name on the back of the pictures. I figured he was just a musician, maybe someone I knew though, cuz why else would I be I pictures with him?"

His short bark of laughter cut her off and he muttered something, but she couldn't quite catch it. "Nathan."

"No, Chris was -" and again he paused, "he was a friend of yours." Another pause and he cleared his throat, "just a friend."

"Oh, okay." Well, that solved that mystery.

"But you still shouldn't look for your diary." He didn't want her to find anything more like this.

"Yeah.. I know. But I want to get my memory back." She was getting upset.

"Haley. I understand, but you must stop, please don't ask me anymore questions." He didn't know how he could another question like that.

"I'm sorry if I bothered you. I'll let you go back to your perfect life. I just... I wanted..." And then she was crying, stupid tears she couldn't stop. "Never mind, never mind, I'm sorry I asked. Bye."

He started to say her name, but she clicked the phone off before he could finish it.

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"Damnit!" he muttered between clenched teeth as he threw the phone across the room. He watched as it crashed into the wall. Stupid phones. They were normally the bearer of bad tidings. Or lousy conversations full of lies and hurt feelings.

Why did he lie about Chris? Why? Would it have been so difficult to say, 'Haley, Chris is the guy who nearly destroyed our marriage, the guy whom you left me to go on to with.' Yeah, what would have been so difficult in saying that? Well for once he couldn't tell her anything about their past, he couldn't tell her they were married. And he didn't want her to remember Chris,

He'd thought that she'd remembered Chris. Haley had forgotten him, but he thought she'd remembered Chris and that had hurt more than he ever could have imagined. Chris was the past, nothing to her now, just a guy she once left him for.

But she hadn't remembered Chris - and still he had lied. When he had sworn to her that he would never, ever lie to her .

And he had just lied to her.

He had to go see her. Now. He had to tell her the truth and apologize for his dishonesty, and whatever else it was that he had done that made her cry. Grabbing his jacket from the couch, he walked towards the door and then stopped. What would he tell her? He needed to talk to someone. He couldn't go see her now.

He would never do anything to hurt her, if he could avoid it. "Good job, Nathan," he muttered to himself as he closed and locked the door. "Good job."


	11. Chapter 11

_Thanks for the reviews, they are really great. _

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Chapter 11**

After dinner, Lucas and Brooke had gone to the cafe. They were now sitting with Keith and Karen, talking about the situation.

"This situation is so messed up. Haley just seems.. different." Brooke sighed.

"She seems different especially to you because you didn't know her at the time she remembers." Karen said softly.

"Besides it must be really confusing for her. All those changes, and she doesn't even know half of it." Keith added. "By the way, how is Nathan doing?"

"Poor Nate, it must be killing him." Karen felt so sad for him. Having the person you love most not remember you.

"Yeah, and you don't know everything.." Lucas traied off.

"What do you mean?" Keith wondered what could be worse.

"Haley thinks he's married."

"Well he his." Brooke stated confused.

"But she doesn't know that it's with her." Lucas explained.

"Oh, wow." Karen, Keith and Brooke were dumbfounded, but before any of them could say anything the door openned and Nathan came in.

He looked totally miserable. "I went to see Haley tonight."

"What? Nate, you know the doctor told us to take it slow with her. I told you to give her time." Lucas said.

"Yes, all right, I should have listened to you, I know," Nathan mumbled, staring down at his feet. "But it's so hard, I hate seeing her like that. And tonight.."

"What? What happenned?" Keith asked his nephew.

"I..I kissed her.. she kissed me.. I don't know who started it, but it was so good to be with her like that again. And then.. she pulled away."

"It was too soon." Brooke guessed.

"Maybe, but the truth is she pulled away because I'm married, or it's what she thinks. Well it's true, but yu understand what I mean."

"Yeah."

Nathan laughed bitterly "the woman I love doesn't want me to kiss her because she feels like we would be cheating on my wife who is really her. How messed up is this?" Nathan covered his face.

"But apparently she does have feelings for you even though she doesn't remember you, it's shows that her heart still remembers you when her mind doesn't." Karen pulled him against her in a tight embrace.

"It's just so hard. I wish she would remember already. I want her back, I want my Haley back. She seemed so lost and confused, and kinda guilty after we kissed. I want her to remember me and us for that matter."

Lucas came even closer to his brother as Nathan covered his face again. He put a hand on Nathan's shaking shoulder and softly squeezed. "It's all right, man," he murmured. "It'll be all right, Nate."

Nathan pulled back, swiping his palms over his cheeks. He was embarrassed, thinking his show of emotion was a sign of weakness. He needed to stay strong for Haley.

"Yeah, I know," he sniffled. He pulled away again when Lucas stretched out his hand. "I know," he repeated.

"Nathan" Lucas was concerned that holding everything in would end badly for his brother.

"I'm okay," Nathan promised, rubbing his hands over his cheeks one last time.

"What happenned after you kissed?" Brooke enquired.

"She told me to go and I went home. But she called me a while later, she told me she had been looking for her diary..."

"What?!" Lucas exclaimed. "She can't do that!"

"I know Luke, that's what I told her, and anyway she didn't find it."

Brooke giggled. "Peyton and I hid it along with the pictures that were too revealing."

"Well she did find some interesting picturess though." Nathan said bitterly. "Pictures of her and Chris."

"Chris, Chris Keller?" Brooke exclaimed.

"How many Chris do you know?" Nathan snapped.

"Wow. And there I though we had really gotten rid of that jerk." Lucas spitted. He really didn't like the guy.

"So did I." Nathan mumbled. "She asked me who he was."

"What did you say?" Brooke asked softly.

"I told her he was just a friend.. just a friend. I couldn't bring myself to tell her the truth. Besides I couldn't have because then I would have had to tell her about us."

"Oh, Nathan." Karen sighed. Those kids didn't deserved that. They had already been through so much.

"Keep faith Nate," Keith told his nephew. "I'm sure everything will work out eventually."

"Yeah, well I'm gonna go." He walked towards the door but was stopped by Brooke's voice "You know you can call anytime. And don't worry for Haley, I'm gonna take good care of my roomie."

"Thanks Brooke." And with that he left.

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She was fine now. Well, almost fine. She had tried to call him back, to apologize, but there had only been a strange whirring sound instead of ringing and so now she couldn't even say she was sorry. It wasn't his fault that he was so madly in love with his wife. And it wasn't her fault that she couldn't help the feelings .

But it still hurt. She wanted Nathan to love her. Her and not his perfect, precious wife. She was foolish to think that the kiss could have meant something. It wasn't her he loved, never her. How could he love her?

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_Please review._


	12. Chapter 12

_Thank you for the reviews, you guys rock! Here is the new chapter. Please review, it makes me write faster :)_**

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Chapter 12**

"Hey roomie." Brooke said when she entered the appartement. Haley was sitting on the couch, lost in her thoughts. It had been two four days since she last saw Nathan.

"Haley?" Brooke tried louder. This time Haley reacted. Brooke came to sit next to her.

"What's up with you? You can talk to me if you want. I know you don't remember me, but we were good friends, actually you were - you are - one of my best friends."

"Thanks Brooke. It's just kinda weird you know. I don't even know how we became friends. I mean I'm just a shy nerdy nobody tutor and you are a bubbly and popular cheerleader. We don't fit in the same crowd." Haley tried to explain.

"Well I cant't say we became friends right away, but we did and that's all thta matters."

"Everything is just so confusing right now. I don't really know who am anymore. But I'm glad you're my friend Brooke, I really am." Haley smiled. She was grateful for her friends. She did have a great support system.

"Okay, now enough with the depressing stuff. Tonight we're gonna have fun." Brooke announced. She got up and started walking towards the bedroom. "Come on amnesia girl, we have to find you something hot to wear. We're gonna go to TRIC with Peyton."

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Haley did have fun with Brooke and Peyton the night before, but she still missed Nathan. She knew she shouldn't but she couldn't help it. Suddenly, she heard the front door openning and heard him calling her.

She sat up, her face flushing. He was here. Nathan was here. Oh God, he was here. She stood up and ran to the mirror, her fingers moving through the curls, creating some style out of the wild disarray there.

"Haley, if you don't come here, I'm coming in there!" He sounded angry. Was he angry? Oh, God, what had she done.

"Coming!" she called as she opened the door. Still looking as handsome as ever. Why couldn't he love her? Because he was married, right.

"I tried to call you. The phone wouldn't ring, it just made this noise." She would not look away from him. She would not. He nodded, his gaze locked upon hers and she searched those eyes, looking for anger, looking for anything that would give her a clue. He looked upset, more than upset. He looked hurt. "Nathan, are you mad at me?" And the tears came again. She couldn't have stopped them if Nathan, himself, had asked her to. "Look, I'm sorry about the kiss, I'm sorry if I upset you, I didn't mean to."

She had to look away.

"Haley," he took a step towards her; she could hear the sound of his heavy shoes against the floor and then he stopped. "I'm not mad at you. I told you that. I'm not mad at you and I'm not upset with you. I came here," he sighed and she looked back up at him, relief awash upon her face, "Haley, I came here to apologize to you."

"Why?" Why would he possibly ever need to apologize to her? He hadn't done anything wrong. She was the one who was all messed up, she was the one who couldn't remember anything, she was the one who was starting to fall in love with a guy she couldn't have.

"Why? Because I obviously upset you." Even as she shook her head, he was walking towards her and taking her hand in his. It felt so right. Everything about him felt so right. She wanted him to kiss her again, there had been no confusion, no questions then, but he was speaking. "Haley, if I've made you feel - damn, I don't how to say this.-

"Just try, I'm listening." She wiped her tears away and managed a smile for him.

"I - I love my wife. You know that. You know that. And I understand that right now, things are complicated for you, the memories and the experiences that made you the person you are - were - are not there." She had to look away. "Haley, even though that is the case, it doesn't take away the fact that you are still Haley and I can see in you so clearly the woman that you became."

"But you don't love me," she looked at him straight in the eye, knowing he wouldn't lie to her. He had told her once that he'd promised that he would not lie to her. He wouldn't lie to her.

"I can't look at you, I can't look at you and say that I don't love you. That is impossible for me, because... I can't. But you don't love me and I love my wife. And right now, I know that this is difficult for you. I know it is, and it's hard for me too, but we just have to wait it out. Your memory will come back.

She didn't want to just say 'okay,' and let it be done. She wanted him to love her, but he was being honest. And he was right. "You're right. And I'm sorry. It's just... I feel so... And when you kissed me. And I know that doesn't make any sense, but that's how I feel. I can't help it."

"I know. I know, but we will get through it. We will. I promise." He reached out a hand and brushed alongside her face. "I promise."


	13. Chapter 13

_Thanks for the reviews, you guys are great. Here's the new chapter. Please reviews, I love feedbacks._**

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Chapter 13**

Haley, Brooke and Peyton were at the café. Haley was lost in her thoughts and hadn't heard what her friends were saying.

"So what do you think?" Peyton asked her. "Haley?" she tried since the girl wasn't answering.

"Hey, Tutorgirl!" Brooke called louder.

"Yeah"

"What were you thinking about?" Peyton enquired.

"Uh.." Haley didn't know what to tell them. She was thinking about Nathan, which seemed to be the only thing she thought about these days. Could she tell her friends about that? They knew him, they knew about his wife, which nobody had ever talked about actually. She realized that she didn't know her wife, that she hadn't met her, not that she really wanted to. What would Brooke and Peyton think of her if she told them about her feelings for Nathan?

"Nathan's wife, what is she like?"

"Ugh..." Brooke and Peyton didn't know what to say. Never had they thought that Haley could ask them about that. What should them tell her?

"Well," Peyton started, "She is really great." That was the truth. "And Nathan loves her more than anything." That was also true, but seeing the look in Haley's eyes, Peyton wished she hadn't say anything.

"Where is she? I never saw her." Haley than asked.

"She's not here right now, but hopefully she's coming back soon." This time it was Brooke, but again, it was quite close to the truth.

Hearing them talk about Nathan's wife, Haley understood that she certainly was someone they cared about, so she decided not to tell them about her feelings for Nathan. What use would that be?

Little did Haley know that her friends had already figured that out. And to be honest they were glad about it. They thought it was great that even though she didn't remember him, Haley still loved Nathan. It showed how deep their love was.

The girls continued talking for a little while, before going to the mall. They were going to TRIC tonight and so brooke wanted to buy new outfits.

When they got home to get dressed, Haley took a decision about Nathan and her feelings for him. She decided that she needed to stop rumaging her feelings and that even if she loved him, he would never love her back, he had told her so himself. He loved his was and she was going to respect that. Tonight she was going to have fun.

* * *

Lucas and Nathan were at the rivercourt playing basketball. They were supposed to meet the girls at TRIC, later.

"I went to see Haley yesterday." Nathan said when thay had finished. "She thought I was upset with her."

"Why would she think that?" Lucas asked.

"I dunno, maybe because of the kiss." Nathan replied helplessly. "Man it's killing me to see her like that. Every time I'm with her all I want to do is to take her in my arms and never let go."

"I know, but like Keith said, you need to keep faith," Lucas was concerned for his brother and his best friend, this was so hard for both of them.

"Well apparently faith seems to want us to be miserable." the dark haired boy said sternly. "Maybe the doctor is wrong, maybe we should tell her the truth. I mean how is it good for her that we lie? That's not gonna help her remember."

"I know, but the doctor said that it's best if she remembers by herself. The memories told and the memories remembered are not the same. You want her to remember her life, your life together, not just tell her what it was like, do you?"

"Yeah, but..." Nathan didn't know what to do or say anymore.

"Look Nate, let's give her a little more time, and if in a few weeks she doesn't remember anything more, we'll start telling her." Lucas suggested.

"Ok," Nathan agreed, "but these few weeks are gonna be really long."


	14. Chapter 14

_Hey guys! I'm sorry for the delay, I've been busy lately. Thanks for the reviews, you guys are great. I know the chapter's short, but I'll try to update more soon. Please review._**

* * *

Chapter 14**

"What is she doing?" Brooke asked Peyton

"It seems pretty obvious to me," replied the blonde, "she's dancing."

"Dancing?! You call that dancing? She's pratically mauling him!"

Since the three girls had arrived at TRIC, Haley had been dancing and flirting with nearly all the guys who were there. When she said she was going to have fun, she wasn't kidding.

"Maybe we should do something," Peyton said, slightly worried for her friend.

The two girls walked to where Haley was dancing with a tall blonde guy whose name she didn't know.

"Haley," Peyton called. The small girl stopped and turned to face her two friends.

"You should come sit with us and have a drink.." Brooke started, but she was interrupted by Peyton elbow connecting with her side. "What?" she enquired, facing the blonde girl.

"I think she had enough to drink for tonight." explained Peyton in a whisper. Brooke nodded.

"Well Haley you should come with us and we could talk." The brunette girl offered.

"I'm tired of talking," Haley told them, "and besides I want to stay here, I'm having fun." But her eyes said otherwise and her two friends noticed it. They tried again to take Haley away but she wouldn't go, so they decided to stay on the side and watch her.

"We really should try to get her away from these guys," Peyton said a few minutes later, "Nathan's gonna be here any minute now and it's gonna kill him to see her like that."

But it was too late. Nathan and Lucas had just walked in and the dark haired boy had already seen Haley. The sight was making his heart ache, but he couldn't tear his eyes from her.  
Lucas had also noticed her and was trying to take his brother to the other side of the room. But Nathan didn't move. His eyes were locked on Haley. She was dancing with a blonde guy whose hands were all over her body. Nathan's fist clenched in anger. When the guy's hands reached Haley butt, he couldn't take it anymore. He walked towards them and before the blonde could react, Nathan punched him.

"What are you doing?" Haley shouted.

"This guy... he was.." Nathan didn't have any explaination for his action. He had acted out of jealousy and anger of seeing his wife in the arms of another guy.

"I was dancing with him." Haley said angrily. "Why did you do this? How dare you?"

"He was not good for you." Was all Nathan could say.

"That was for me to decide. You don't have anything to say about who I dance with, Nathan! " She was still shouting, but now angry tears were starting to fill her big browm eyes. "I'm not your wife!" And with that she ran away, quickly followed by Brooke and Peyton.

Nathan stood there watching the love of his life run away from him. His heart was breaking, her words resonatin in his head "I'm not your wife."

Lucas put a hand on Nathan's shaking shoulder.

"I don't think I will be able to wait a few weeks." Nathan whispered.


	15. Chapter 15

_Hey! Thanks for the reviews. Here is the new chapter, again it's rather short, but I promise I'll update more really soon. The more you review, the sooner it'll be._**

* * *

Chapter 15**

Haley stormed out of TRIC tears running down her face. How dared he act that way? Why did he cared who she was dancing with? She wanted him to care so much, but she was angry because she knew he shouldn't. _"I'm not your wife",_ she had said that in anger, she had wanted to hurt him, but she had also hurt himself. Her own words had reminded her why she couldn't love him.

She kept running and finally found herself at the docks. She came there often lately, she didn't know why, but this place was comforting. She sat there, thinking, for a while. Then, suddenly, a flash ran through her mind. Her and Nathan sitting at the exact same place. Him giving her a crackerjack bracelet. _"Don't say I never gave you anything."_

Haley walked towards her appartement wondering what these memories meant. When she walked in, Brooke and Peyton were there waiting for her, worry clearly showing on their face.

"Haley, were where you?" Brooke asked her roommate.

"I needed time to think." She didn't know why, but she didn't want to tell them about what she had remembered.

"You ok?" Peyton enquired.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Haley answered. "I'm going to bed." she added walking to the bedroom.

When Brooke came in a while later, Haley didn't move and the brunette girl thought she was asleep. But she couldn't, the memories kept running through her mind. Eventually, she fell in a restless slumber. Images flashing in her head.

_Nathan and her making up in the rain._

_Her kissing him in front of her parent's house._

_"Always and forever."_

_Her singing for him at Karen's Cafe._

With a deep gasping breath, Haley sat bolt-upright in her bed, sweat beading and dripping down her face. She was so confused.

She got up and noticed that Brooke wasn't there. She went to the living room, where she found both Brooke and Peyton. Clearly, they wee still worried about her. Before anyone could say anything, there was a knock at the door. It was Nathan. Immediatly his eyes locked with Haley's. Sensing that the two needed some time alone, Brooke and Peyton left.

Haley went to sit on the couch and was soon joined by Nathan. She was no longer angry at him. She was just confused. She wanted answers.

He reached out a hand and brushed alongside her face, "Haley," he paused and looked down, but he didn't drop his hand, "I have to tell you something."

She closed her eyes, taking a moment to savor the feel of his fingers, soft and supple against her skin, the tip of one finger feathering across her ear. "What?" she managed to breathe through the sensation.

"Haley," again, he paused and her lids opened as she met his gaze, far from clear. "I lied to you." She blinked her eyes in shock, "You are my wife."


	16. Chapter 16

_Hey guys! Thanks for you wonderful reviews. Hope you'll like this chapter. Please review._**

* * *

Chapter 16**

Everything seemed to stop. Nathan wouldn't lie to her, he had promised he wouldn't lie to her - so why was he lying to her now? And he was - he was lying, just because she didn't remember did not mean that she did not know herself. She knew herself.

She loved him. The knowledge of that love was a certainty. She did not understand it, she couldn't even truly capture it, but she knew it to be true. But if what he said whas true, she would know. If it was he should have said something sooner.

She met his gaze and he looked so sad, as he should, he should feel sad, he should feel horrible for lying to her.

"Why are you lying to me? Why? How can you do this - how can you do this to me?" She pulled away from his hand, still upon her face, and stood up. Shaking her head back and forth, she looked at him and then away.

"Why would you say that?" He was silent; unable to refute her words. Yes, he was lying, but why? Why would he lie?

"No, Haley, no -" she cut him off. Why was he still lying? How could he lie to her, he promised he'd never lie to her.

"Yes, YES!" and tears were once more falling down her face, unbidden, yet unstoppable. "Yes, you lied. You are lying" and she was once more on the couch facing him, her hands around his face. He held her wrists, pleading with his eyes - his beautiful, soulful, lying eyes - to hear him. She would not.

"You told me you were married, that you loved your wife, someone else, not me" she said impressing upon him the truth of her statement.

"Haley -"

"It is not possible. No."

He shook his head and his gaze was clear. "I'm not lying now, Haley. I'm telling you the truth."

She tried to drop her hands, but he held her wrists firm. "I don't know why I lied before. Well I know, but now I don't know why it was better."

She jerked away from him roughly, moving away once again. She couldn't speak, the sobs were coming too quickly.

He stood up, "Haley, I'm sorry. I - what do you want me to say?"

"The truth!"

"It is."

This - this he had not expected. Irritation with his lie, even anger, but this complete denial had never crossed his mind on the drive over, not once as he imagined the many different reactions she might have. Never this.

She was staring at him with shock, and with angry hurt. So much hurt on her face, in her eyes, in the stiff way she held herself. He was suddenly and painfully reminded of the day here, in what was at the time his appartement, when she found Peyton's pictures on his laptop.

He stared at her, not knowing what to say, knowing that he couldn't say anything more - anything more and she'd know too much. This was already too much. The doctor had told him to wait, Lucas had told him to wait.

"What do you mean?" her voice was soft, a low throb of pain in the high contralto. He met her gaze and found himself arrested. Her voice, her stance, God help him, even her pain - this was Haley. This was his Haley. The woamn he had married, the one who loved him.

"Haley?" He took a step forward, wondering if it was possible. If he pushed her just a little, would his Haley return to him, was she that close? He approached her, not quite sure what his intentions were - she didn't know either as she took a step back. He stood before her, "Haley," her name was a whisper as he reached out, entangling his fingers in her hair. Instinctively she moved towards him just as he lowered his head, his palm curving about her face.

Before his lips could brush against hers, her mouth was open and upon his, her arms wrapping about his neck as she thrust herself against him. There was no hesitation, no holding back in her kiss as she pushed her tongue inside his mouth, no longer tentative, no longer exploring, but ravishing him, staking her claim as she ground her hips urgently against him.

He couldn't think, he couldn't breathe, all he could do was hold onto her. Thoughts of his Haley, this Haley faded into the passion she aroused in him so easily. His hands moved from her face, her hair, sliding down her dress, his palms shaping her backside as he lifted her up. "Nathan," she breathed his name as he set her upon the counter, his hands once more swimming in her golden curls, as he took the lead, his lips upon her chin, her throat. He jerked at the straps of her top, his mouth tasting the flavor silk as his teeth grazed shoulder.

Her fingers clutched at his hair as a gasp escaped her, "Nathan," she cried again. He forgot everything. His hand slipped down the side of her body, his fingers sliding under her skirt. Her head fell against his and he could hear sighs as she feathered kisses through the tendrils of his hair.

"Nathan, what are you doing?" Her voice was high-pitched, her hands pushing at him. "God, Nathan, what are you -" words seemed to desert her. He pulled away, his finger slipping away, his body slipping away from her and he stood back. She sat there, her hair was tousled, wild curls everywhere, her lips wet and swollen and parted while her eyes were wide, dilated, shocked.

He took another step back. "I thought," he began and then had to look away, running his hand over his face. "I thought you were back, I don't know - your tears, your anger, it was so like you." He spoke then softer, almost to himself, "I thought you were back."

"I'm sorry," his voice was low.

"Go away." She hated him.

"Haley, you don't need to be alone right now." He protested and she wanted to hit him, she wanted to hurt him the way he had just hurt her.

"I hate you." And she meant it, God she meant it. She hated him.

"Haley, you don't mean that." She meant it. "Haley-"

"I said go away," and she had to look away from his face. "I can't even look at you right now." She spit the words out between clenched teeth and for some reason - for some reason those words cut deeply into her.

"Just go away," and her voice fell to a whisper. This was too much. She turned her back on him. She heard the intake of breath as he tried once more, "Haley.."

"Leave me alone."

There was silence and then the sound of his footsteps walking out the door.


	17. Chapter 17

_Hey guys! Thanks for the reviews. Here's the new chapter. Please read and review._

* * *

_Chapter 17_

When Brooke and Peyton came back, they found Haley curled up on the couch, tears running down her face.

"Hales, what happenned?" Brooke asked kneelng in front of the crying girl.

"He lied... I hate him... I don't..."

"What are you talking about?" Peyton enquired.

Haley didn't respond. Brooke and Peyton sat down on the couch.

They were silent and the moment stretched. Brooke looked up suddenly and spoke just as Haley worked up the courage to tell them, "Did Nath -"

"He told me I was his wife." She looked away.

"He what?!" Brooke exclaimed.

Peyton and Brooke looked at each other with astonishment and then back at Haley.

"It can't be true. Why did he lie?" haley added.

"Haley," Peyton paused and exhaled deeply," It's the truth."

"No."

"Yes, sweetie, it is." Brooke said. "Although we all had the same reaction, when you guys told us," she added jokingly.

Haley met her gaze and cracked a small smile.

"It's true?" she whispered. "But why didn"t he said it sooner? Why didn't one of you said anything Why did you let me think he was married to another girl?"

"The doctor thought it would be better if you figured everything by yourself." Peyton explained.

"You know.." Brooke started but was interrupted by Haley.

"I remember him."

"What?"

"I remember some things about him. Beeing with him, kissing him." she paused, barely able to get the words out, " but I thought we must have broken up, you know, since he was married," she laughed lightly.

"It's great that you remember." Brooke said happily. "I'll be glad when everything will be back the way it was."

"So do I." Peyton smiled.

"He still lied to me." Haley stated.

"It was killing him not to be able to be with you." Brooke answered softly. "He has wanted to tell you the truth so many times."

* * *

"Hello? Nathan, are you there? Nathan? Okay, maybe you're not, but I think you are. So how long are you gonna avoid me? Look, I'm sorry I said that okay, I'm sorry. I don't hate you. I promise. i was just shocked. It's been a week, Nathan."

He bent his head, gripping the sides of the chair, determined to not pick the phone up.

"I.. remembered more. I remember you. Some things."

There was a long pause. He raised his head and looked at the blinking light, waiting for her to hang up, wondering if he could control himself until then. Quietly he began the mantra that he had begun to use whenever she called and left messages ..."hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang -"

"I miss you, Nathan." Her voice was soft and quiet, the hint of tears in the words.

He picked the phone up. "Haley?"

"You are there." Her voice grew quieter and he felt a rip in his heart. "Why didn't you pick up sooner?"

"I," he paused and held the phone away, damning himself for his weakness. "I didn't know what to say to you. I don't know if I should talk to you, see you. I've already done so much, said so much more than I should have."

"I see. So you're breaking another promise?" Now there was anger alongside the pain.

"Haley -"

"What? You said you wouldn't lie and you did. And you said you wouldn't leave me, you said you would be with me every step of the way -"

"Haley -" he tried again, but she wouldn't let him.

"-No! Those were your words, Nathan. I remember that much. You said that you would be with me every step of the way and you lied, because you're not here."

"I didn't know it would be so hard!" He finally burst out, rising to his feet. She was quiet on the other end and he took a deep breath, forcibly calming himself down. "Look, I just - I've needed some time to come to grips with everything. This is a lot harder, a lot harder, than I ever thought it would be. But I don't intend to break my promise to you. I will be with you, I just - I have to regroup."

"And how long is that gonna take, Nathan? A day, another week, a month, until I'm your precious wife again?" And now her voice was bitter. "I feel so alone. Everything is crazy inside my head, my mother dying, Eve dying, everything is crazy. And Lucas is trying to help, but... " And now tears were coloring her words. "And Brooke and Peyton are sweet, but I don't really know her. I can't talk to Karen about some of this stuff. And my parents are gone. I need you, Nathan. You're the only person I feel truly comfortable with. When everything else is going at half-tilt, you keep me centered and I'm falling apart now because you're not here. Damnit, you promised you'd be here!"

He closed his eyes and offered a silent prayer. "Haley, I'm not trying to hurt you. I know this is hard. No, I don't know what this is for you, but if it's even half as bad as what I'm going through then you're probably a wreck."

"I am," she sounded so small, so helpless. And he knew that if he were with her, he would be holding her in his arms. And that was the problem. She was right. She needed him and he had promised. He had promised her and there were already too many broken promises that lay strewn in their past.

"I know you are, Haley and you're right. You're absolutely right. If you want me to come over now, I will. And I won't - and I'll be there whenever you need me." God, let me strong enough to do this, he begged for the thousandth time.

There was a pause and a relieved sigh came over the line, "okay." It was one word, but he could hear the happiness that lay in it. He nodded his head, feeling a load lift from him. This would be hard, but it was the right thing to do.

"Okay." Better to be tortured by her presence, than anguished without it.


	18. Chapter 18

_Thanks to everyone for the reviews, I'm sorry it took me so long to update. Here's the new chapter. Enjoy and please review._

* * *

**Chapter 18**

He had come by yesterday after their phone conversation, only briefly, but he had come by. They had talked about what she'd remembered. They hadn't touched, they hadn't kissed but the yearning to do so had been incredibly strong. And she knew that he had felt it too. She could read him now. She knew his desires. She knew his wants. And she knew that he wanted her. And she knew that she wanted him. But it was still awkward. For him she was the woman he loved, his wife, but for her he was a guy who she was falling in love with, she still hadn't really realized that she was indeed his wife. And sometimes she felt bad for him, for not being really his wife, not yet, because despite the few memories she had back, she didn't really knew him, not like his Haley did. Not like his wife did. Sure now she knew that she was his wife, but in a way she wasn't, because she was the same person but without the memories that made her his Haley. But she loved him, she knew that. And she would show him.

He would be here soon. She had left the door unlocked. Brooke was out with Lucas.

"Haley", his voice floated through the door and she closed her eyes. He was here. Nathan.

"This is it," she whispered to herself as she stepped over to the bed. "In here Nathan," she called. Fluffing her hair out, she straightened her silk robe, trying to control her breathing, wondering if she looked sexy enough for him - wondering if this was a mistake. She heard his footsteps in front or the door. Too late.

---------------------------------

His jaw literally dropped. His heart literally stopped beating - for a moment at least. And his breath was literally taken away. It had been so long. So long since he had seen her looking anything remotely like this. And she was wearing a silky red robe. He loved her in red silk.

"Haley?" his voice was husky, a deep reverberation of want and lust. He didn't even think as he stepped into the room, closing the door behind him.

"Haley," he whispered her name again, truly incapable of saying any other word. She was back. She remembered; she had to have remembered everything. Haley before their wedding wouldn't do this, wouldn't be capable of planning a seduction. That pure, virginal girl she had been couldn't do something like that.

He knelt down on the bed, trailing his fingers softly, reverently upon her leg, up her thigh. She let out a sharp exhalation of breath and his gaze rose and his hand followed along the curve of her waist, seh was wearing black lace under the robe.

The breath left him in a rush when she laid her fingers upon his arms, carefully, slowly, gingerly sliding her hands up until she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, her body pushing into his. He needed her now.

Her lips met his in a ravenous coupling, breath escaping between them as his tongue dueled with hers, his mouth devouring the taste of her, the scent of her, the feel of her. Her body rose higher as she met him kiss for kiss, touch for touch, her fingers digging into his back, running through his hair.

Her breathing was heavy; so was his. Gently he pushed on her shoulders and she fell back. He sat back on his haunches, slowly savoring every inch of her nearly naked body. She had to have remembered. This was his Haley. His wife. He gazed at her spread out before him. Her body, her long legs. Her hair, golden curls glorious upon black satin, her lips lush and full and pink. Her eyes, wide, running wild with passion and need and -

Her eyes. Oh, God. No, her eyes.

He leaned over and wrapped an arm about her waist, pulling her flush up against him, staring into her eyes. She was nervous. There was anxiety; there was fear of the unknown in her eyes.

She didn't know what she was doing. She didn't know what she was doing. She wasn't his wife. She wasn't - this wasn't - this couldn't be happening.

His arm fell limply to the side and he pulled away. She almost fell back, catching herself. "Nathan? What's wrong?"

He got up off the bed, his mind in a daze; his body in pain, his heart aching, and grabbed his shirt. "Get dressed, Haley."

"Whaa - Why?" He could hear it in her voice. She still didn't remember. In her mind, in her heart, she was still a virgin. Goddamn her!

He turned to look at her and he could not contain the rage that was filling him. His voice was steel, "get dressed, Haley." He paused and looked away, his head bent. He couldn't look at her. He couldn't look at her. "Now."

"Nathan." She whimpered.

"Now!" He roared. But he would not look at her.

* * *

Her hands were shaking as she pulled her robe on. Salty tears fell upon the dark red material. She barely noticed as she tied the sash tight around her waist. Her body was shaking - from the aftermath of his touch, his gaze and his anger. He was angry, so angry.

She had never guessed that Nathan could even get that angry. He was always so gentle and caring with her. His voice soft, his eyes tender - but just moments before, his eyes had flashed through her like molten steel for the briefest second before turning away.

She shut her eyes, biting her lip. She could hear him down there, pacing around the living room and for the first time since her accident, she wanted him to leave. She wanted him gone and quickly. She didn't know how to face him.

She didn't know how to face a Nathan she had never conceived of.

She didn't know how to face him. She just didn't know how. She wondered what he would say. Would he leave for good? Had she pushed him too far? She closed her eyes again and saw the look on his face when he realized she wasn't his Haley.

That's what he had thought. She knew that now, the way he'd looked at her, touched her, the grin that had been on his face, the overwhelming joy radiating from him. He had thought that she remembered all of it. How else could she have done what she did? She saw that on his face, and she saw the shock, the disappointment and then the rage, on his face when he realized. When he realized.

Her legs felt weak, weak in a totally different way than before when he'd touched her. She'd felt awe and wonder and pleasure, such intense pleasure. But now, as she fell heavily onto the edge of the bed, she felt ill and sick to her stomach.

What was she going to do? How could she face him? How could she face the stranger that Nathan Scott suddenly was to her? Fresh tears streamed down her face and still she couldn't move. She could still hear the rage in his voice, see the rage in his gaze. It was so the opposite of everything that she knew about him.

He was a very, very angry Nathan, but he was still Nathan. He wouldn't hurt her. He could never, ever hurt her and she had been wrong. She had to deal with the ramifications of her actions. She'd known even as she heard his footsteps coming down the hallway that what she was doing was wrong. She had known and still she had done it. And now, it was time to face the music.

Haley reached up and wiped her tears away, a look of determination crossing her features, standing up, she tightened the sash of her robe. And then throwing her shoulders back, she headed to the door of her bedroom and took a deep breath.

It was time to face her husband.

* * *

He was still boiling. It had been ten minutes since he'd walked out of her bedroom and he was still furious. He knew he should leave. He knew that absolutely and beyond a shadow of a doubt. He would say something that would hurt her feelings.

He would probably say something that would have hurt the feelings of his Haley, but he was so Goddamn furious with her, that he didn't give a damn. Besides, if he just walked out now, the next time he saw her she might try it again.

And that he couldn't bear. He wouldn't.

He closed his eyes, trying to control some of the simmering emotions rollicking through him, when he heard her tentative footsteps. She damn well better be dressed, he thought angrily.

"I'm sorry," her voice was small.

He shook his head; it wasn't enough. That voice, weak and filled with little of the experience that would enrich Haley's voice only angered him further. He finally looked at her. She was at least wearing her robe.

She met his gaze and visibly flinched before looking away, tears beginning to fall from her eyes, her body shaking.

He was angry enough that he could look at her in such misery and still say words that he knew would sting. "You are not my wife." Her gaze fled to his and then dashed away quickly as he continued. "I do not love you," her shoulders began to shake, "and you sure as hell don't love me." Again, she looked at him, a protest ready to fall from her lips, but she met his gaze and said nothing.

He nodded his head emphatically, as if her silence proved his point. "You are not the woman you once were, not yet - do you have any idea, any idea at all what you just did?"

She bowed her head, her body now shaking uncontrollably as sobs rode through her. He looked away, silently damning his weakness when it came to her. He couldn't do this. He couldn't, even when she needed to know, she needed to understand why he was so angry, he couldn't see her cry - he couldn't hurt her. No matter how many times she'd hurt him, in a hundred different careless ways in their life together, he couldn't do the same to her without feeling as if someone had punched him in the gut. He couldn't.

-Damnit,- he muttered under his breath even as he walked towards her. She fell immediately against him as he wrapped his arms around her. "Why did you do that?" he whispered into her hair. "Why?"

Between hiccups and shuddering breaths she said softly, "I just thought that if I could be your Haley that things would be easier. If you didn't have to fight it all the time."

He pulled away and looked down at her, but she kept her eyes to the ground. Sighing, he took her hand and led her to a chair. "What do you mean?" he asked as he sat down across from her. "Fight what?"

Pushing her hair back, she looked up at him and then away, "this - you know, these feelings, this desire. I see it whenever you look at me, when you touch me and I can tell when it's getting too much for you, cuz you always leave. And I just thought that if we did it, that you wouldn't have to worry about that anymore. We could be together more. And," her voice grew softer, "and I," again she sent a quick glance his way before dropping her eyes, "and I wanted it too. At least, I think I did."

"Haley," his voice was a sigh and he didn't know what to say. And that scared him, because he never knew what to say to her anymore.

"Yes, it's hard for me sometimes and I understand that you - you want this. I know that you aren't really still a virgin and your body seems to remember things that your head doesn't, which must make the physical sensations confusing to say the least."

She nodded.

"But, Haley, before I met you, all I had were the physical sensations." She looked confused and he let out a sigh and bit his lip, trying to think of what to say, how to make this make sense for her. "Okay, look, I never really loved anyone before you. There were a few women I cared about, but I never really loved anyone before you. And when I had sex, it was just sex. I always thought 'making love' was just a pretty euphemism for sex and that it didn't mean anything special.

"You taught me differently." He reached out and held both of her hands, his fingers caressing the flesh of her thumbs, her wrists. "I wanted you but I didn't just want you."

"I loved you. And I didn't just want to have sex with you, I wanted to make love to you and I wanted you to make love to me. For the first time in my life, sex meant more than the physical sensation and I wouldn't settle for anything less from you. You and I it wasn't just about that, it was so much more."

"Haley, when we're together - we are completely together. It's not just our bodies, it's our hearts and our souls and if I had taken you upstairs, it would have just been sex and I don't want that - not with you, never with you." He paused, "do you understand?"

"I do, I guess, I just - Nathan, I just wanted to make you happy." Tears began flowing, "I just, you know, I'm just trying to be the wife you love, your Haley and I don't know how, I don't know what she would do, or she would say. I just - you say that I don't love you, but I do. You're more important to me than anything - anything in the whole world. I do love you."

* * *

He let go of her hands and stood up. She followed his movements, still aching inside. "Haley, you don't - this is not love that you're feeling. You - you're attracted to me, you like me, but it's not the same.-

"How do you know?" She demanded and he turned to look at her, a spark of anger still on his face.

"I know because I know what you're like when you love me and this isn't it. What we've been through together, who we've become together, has made our love what it is. And you - "

"-so?" She interrupted him; he was wrong. He was wrong. "So I don't love you like your Haley does. I haven't been through what she has, but that doesn't mean that I don't love you. The person I am right now, this Haley does love you and it's not fair of you to just act like I'm a silly, little girl who doesn't know any better."

"Haley, you don't -"

"-I do! I do." She stood up and faced him, tear tracks on her face. "I do know how I feel. I was fighting it before because I thought you were married and that my feelings for you were wrong. The woman I am, your Haley, is still inside me and I feel things that she feels and one of those things is my love, her love for you."

He turned away from her, his hands running over his face, his head shaking back and forth. Finally, he turned to look at her and his voice was emphatic, "you can't do this! You can't keep separating you and 'my Haley.' You are MY Haley. You are! You don't remember everything and I know that. But who you are is still Haley James Scott. Still. There is no 'she' and 'you.' You're one in the same."

She looked away, denying his words. "No, you can't say one thing and then contradict it. You told me when I walked here that I was not your wife. You won't touch me, you won't make love to me. You won't tell me you love me. You don't talk about our life and you barely talk about you. You distance yourself from me as much as you're capable of. Is that what it's like for you and Haley? I don't think so, Nathan. When you look at me, you don't see YOUR Haley."

He stood still and he was listening, really listening to her. "Nathan, you see someone who is wearing her face, and speaking in her voice, but you don't see your Haley and what's worse, I don't even think you see me, the person who is standing here. You haven't taken the time to get to know ME and so instead of living my life, I'm trying to live hers because you don't want anything to do with me. You only want her."

She shook her head, unable to help the tears that continued to fall. "And I'm not her, Nathan."


	19. Chapter 19

_Thanks to OTH.daddy'sgurl.06, that70slover, Natz95, kmonty, DayDreamer323, luvnaley23, SluttyDeb, Glykera, Lorilozz, Kandykamenel, SLUVER15, naleyluv, iftheyonlyknewthetruth, goober396, naleyforevernalways23, chelle2911, for replying. I was amazed by all the positive reviews I got for the last chapter. _

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**Chapter 19**

"You're right." The words came out before he even thought them. "You're absolutely right, Haley."

"I am?" her voice was a practically a squeak.

"Yeah," he muttered as he began pacing. "I have been expecting you to be Haley, I've just been waiting for the return of my Haley, I've been waiting for you to remember, without thinkng of the Haley you are now and that's not fair to you. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. What can I do to make it up? What do you want me to do?"

He sat down across from her again, the realization still sending waves through him. He had been so unfair to who she was right now. And he had been separating 'his' Haley and 'this' Haley for so long, it'd become second nature to him.

"I guess I just want to get to know you and you me." Her eyes met his and a smile played around the corners of her mouth. "Instead of concentrating on remembering what I don't or what I'm not supposed to know yet, I mean my memories may or may not come back, maybe we can just - I don't know, hang out or go out."

"Go out?" He had a feeling he knew where this was going. "You mean like a date?"

Now her mouth spread into a big smile, "yeah, we could date. Go to dinner, the movies, you know, just getting to know each other."

"A date?" She wanted to go on a date. Was that right? Would it be a betrayal of 'his' Haley to go on a date with 'this' Haley? He stood up and began pacing again. For so long he had been waiting to be with her and now that she asked him to go out with her he was afraid that it wouldn't be right because of his Haley. Would it be wrong to go on a date with this Haley, even though she was technically his wife. "This is confusing, too confusing."

"Why?" He glanced at her and she looked so innocent, so fresh, the tears gone from her face.

Sighing, he attempted to put his thoughts into words, "I - Haley, I'm married to you, but it's not you, not what you remember and you're right, you are not the woman I'm married to now. You're the Haley before you met and married me, so you're a different person or at least in a different stage in your life."

"So?" She stood up, winding the long sash of her robe around her fingers. She was nervous now; already he was making her nervous. This would not work; this was crazy.

"If I date you to get to know you now and not help you remember who you are, is that cheating? It's confusing," he repeated to himself.

"You kissed me, you've done more than kiss me -" she trailed off, obviously deciding that that was not the route to go right now. "I mean, you know -" again she trailed off.

"That was different though, I mean, we were recapturing who you are and you don't want to recapture or relive us. When I kissed you, when we - I thought it was you again, I mean I thought you remembered. God, this is confusing."

He sat down, rubbing his chin. "What if we go out and we have a grand time and then I start to fall in love with who you are now because you are Haley, you're just not my Haley and then you remember everything, will you be mad at me? Will I have - I swore I'd never hurt you like that. I swore it and I meant it."

Standing back up, he glanced at her, but then quickly looked away from her hopeful expression. "I don't know if this is a good idea."

"Nathan, how can it be a betrayal or cheating or whatever, if it's me? Because it is me, sorta, it is. I'm still the person you fell in love with, so you wouldn't be falling in love with me, you'd just be falling more in love with me. Right?"

He looked at her again, finding the idea of taking her out on a date one he rather liked.

"It could be fun." And her voice was hopeful, as hopeful as her expression.

He let the thought play around in his mind a bit more. Yeah, it could be fun, it could be a lot of fun and it wouldn't hurt anything - anyone - her. It wouldn't hurt her.

"Yeah, yeah, I guess -" he trailed off and looked around the room, imagining picking her up, giving her flowers, the smile on her face. "Yeah. It would be fun." He smiled, "yeah. Let's do it."

"Really?" Her face broke out into a wide grin as she threw herself in his arms, "tonight? Can we go out tonight?"

He chuckled and pulled away. Looking down at her radiant smile, he nodded, "okay, tonight. We can go on a date tonight."

* * *

When Brooke came home later that day, she found Haley curled up on the couch, a big grin on her face.

"Hey, tutorgirl. What's up?" Brooke enquired, wondering why Haley seemed so happy.

"I'm going on a date with Nathan tonight." The blonde girl revealed.

"Wow, that's great amnesia-girl." Brooke exclaimed. "But if you are going out with him tonight, what are you doing on this couch, you should be getting ready."

"Brooke, it's only 3:25pm, Nathan's picking me up at 7:30pm." Haley explained.

"Well then you only have four, get moving girl." Haley looked at her roommate as if she had grown a second head.

"Brooke, I don't need four hours to gt dressed."

"Aren't you excited to go out with him?" The brunette asked.

"Yes I am, but-"

"Then you need to start getting ready now, the more time the better. I'm gonna call Peyton and tell her to come over. Then we'll help you find the perfect outfit for tonight."

Haley laughed. "Brooke you seem more excited about it than me."

* * *

The club was packed when they walked in. "I'm gonna get some drinks," Nathan said loudly above the music as she stared at all of the bodies packed tightly together, gyrating wildly to the music that was playing. This wasn't exactly what she had in mind for a first date. Looking over at Nathan as he headed to the bar, she decided it was good enough. Hurrying over to his side, she kept glancing at all of the activity around her. He smiled at her as she moved near him, but turned away as the bartender brought their drinks.

He turned back to her and bent down, whispering in her ear, "let's go." She looked up at him. Go? They just got here. Smiling, he leaned down again and whispered once more, "just follow me." She let out a breathy sigh, her pulse racing and did as he said. And as he began weaving through the crowd, she spoke softly to herself, "I'd follow you anywhere."

She stood to the side as Nathan set the drinks down at a table. He motioned for her to come over. She could still hear the music, but it was less audible and they could speak in regular tones. Still, she only nodded as she picked up her drink and took a swallow.

This was going to be fun.

* * *

"Like this?" she asked for what seemed like the hundredth time as she peered over her shoulder, her eyes as innocent as could be.

Nathan smiled, "would you like me to show you how to do it? Again?" Her lips curved, a naughty twinkle in her eye now betraying the angelic mien she displayed. Nodding slightly, she offered sweetly, "would you?"

Moving behind her, he leaned into her, wrapping his arms about her as he once again repositioned her hands on the pool stick. She glanced up at him, their faces close, her smile widening. "Have you been playing long?" He nodded. "How long?"

"Since I was fourteen." He lowered his hands and rested them lightly on her hips as he bent down to murmur in her ear; "about the same age you were when your brother taught you how to play." Pulling back slightly, he brushed a soft kiss against her throat and stepped back. "Remember?"

She sighed, looking up, and he could just see the blush that was spreading across her fair skin, and the widening curve of her lips. "Caught," she responded softly and then she began to giggle, peals of her laughter shaking her body slightly as she turned to face him. His own smile faded as he stared at her, lost in the moment of her beauty.

Haley leaned against the table, seeming not to notice his reverie.

Walking to the opposite side, she began lining up her next shot, no pretense of ignorance of the game now. Grabbing his drink, he took a sip and found himself admiring her casual grace and effortless beauty. Golden curls fell in wild disarray about her face and shoulders, shiny ringlets tumbling down her back. Her eyes were bright and the cherry-pink lipstick made her lips all that much more kissable. How he'd been able to resist doing so all night was a miracle.

She pocketed her second solid in a row and moved to the opposite end of the table. Bending over, she flung her hair over her shoulder, concentrating on her game. Grinning, Nathan lowered his gaze and enjoyed the cleavage now available for his view. After pocketing another ball, she looked up to catch his eye and upon correctly assessing the direction of his intent stare, straightened up sharply, her hand pressed to the top of her blouse.

"Nathan!"

His grin only widened as he took another drink, his obvious perusal of her form continuing unabated. She was wearing jeans, tight blue jeans - delectably, deliciously tight. Leaning over, her (also) tight, baby-soft ivory sweater stretched snugly across her chest, and he felt a tightening in his groin. He wasn't even touching her, hadn't kissed her but for her throat moments before, his lust was operating purely on sight and memories, but how he wanted her.

"Let's dance," he said suddenly, mentally smacking himself once the words were out of his mouth. Was he out of his mind?

"Hmm?"Oh, can we finish the game? It's your play." She smiled sweetly, completely unaware of the sexual tension surrounding them. He let out a sharp exhalation of breath, "sure," and walked over, grabbing his cue stick. Waiting for her to pass, he stepped closer to the pool table so she could go around him.

She didn't.

With the same sweet smile, she squeezed between him and the pool table oh so slowly, her body pressing into his, her eyes shining softly as she gazed up at him, just the slightest flush on her face. He stood still for a moment, his heart pumping a mile a minute, caught completely and utterly by her.

Finally, he glanced over as she settled herself comfortably down, her eyes serene as she met his. And then her lips curved slightly, her mouth parting to allow a slight, sensual nibble of teeth upon that perfect, lush, lower lip, her lids lowering just a bit as she gazed at him through her lashes.

Nathan cleared his throat. Nope, he was wrong - she was aware, very, very aware and also very much a player in the creation of that tension. He looked back at the table, noting the three balls he had to pocket to win the game. Win the game and claim his dance.

Grinning, he lined up the cue for the first shot. This was definitely turning out to be fun.


	20. Chapter 20

_Thanks for the reviews, you guys are great. I'm glad you liked the previous chapter, hope you'll like this one. Please review._**

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**Chapter 20**

The game was over and without any words, Nathan led her to the dance floor, his eyes focused on her. The music thundered around them, stray words brushing against them. She slid into his arms and his hands were loose against the small of her back. They began to sway, moving in time with the throbbing beat.

Haley closed her eyes, unable to bear the intensity of his gaze for a moment longer. "Hey," he whispered into her ear. Her eyes shot open, he was suddenly so close.

"Hey," she replied, her voice louder than his.

"I remember the first time we danced," he whispered again, bending down to her ear once more. "No," she murmured. "No remembering. This is our first dance. You and me."

"Sorry." This time he spoke up, talking over the music. "So do you like our first dance?" he asked. It wasn't his first dance with her, but he had promised to try to get to know her now, so he was trying.

"Mm hmm," she answered softly, her voice almost a whisper.

"What?" he questioned, his voice louder. "I can't hear you."

"Yeah, I do," she murmured, her voice higher this time. "I do," she said again, softly again.

He was silent for a moment and then huskily, a thick thread of desire lacing his words, he spoke, "do you know how beautiful you are?"

She blushed and he was silent once more as his fingers began to draw lazy circles on the small of her back. Shivering slightly, she leaned a little away from him, pushing more firmly against the dancing rhythm of his hand. Trying to maintain some decorum of composure, she took a steadying breath, "you play a good game of pool."

"Thank you," he murmured softly and she could just hear the grin in his voice. She glanced up, and yes, he was grinning.

"Proud of your skills?" She smiled.

"Yup," he paused, "all of them."

"What other skills do you have?" She was almost surprised to hear the teasing tone of her voice. Where was this confidence coming from? It was amazing what the subconscious part of herself seemed to know how to do intuitively, but if she actually thought about doing them, she was lost and confused.

His grin faded slightly, taking on the contours of a smile, a lazy, sexy smile that took her breath away and sent her senses reeling in all directions. "That's for me to know and you to find out." His voice was low and intimate, a throaty murmur that sent her remaining senses spiraling out of control.

He held her tighter and she felt the hard heat of his erection pressing into her. Her breathing became shallow and her heart quickened a thousandfold. She wanted him, as much as he evidently wanted her, but this was just a first date, nothing was going to happen.

Nothing.

"Nothing," she repeated intently just as he spoke, his voice a husky murmur.

"I want to kiss you." He shouldn't have said that. But it was the truth. He wanted to kiss her. Whoever she was. The Haley without the memories or his Haley, his wife. He just wanted to kiss the woman who was in front of him right now.

* * *

A breathy moan escaped her and her words were quiet, "what's stopping you?" 

The slightest caress of a smile moved across his face as he slowly lowered his head. He loved her like this, flirty, responsive, so open and joyous. It wasn't really like her. He had never really experienced her like this before. Or has he? The banter, the playfulness, the teasing smiles and actions. But he definitely liked it. Liked her.

Reaching out his hand, he brushed feather-light fingers against her cheek and for the first time in months, he thanked God. He thanked Him for giving him the chance to be with her. He was so worried about her memory loss that he often forgot that he could have lost her, completly. She could have died and that would have been far worse than losing a part of her. Even if she never remembered, he hoped she would though, he was grateful that she was still there, with him.

"Nathan, any day now would be nice." He smiled, loving the teasing note in her voice, the playful pout on her face, the way she looked at him - no memory of anything darker in their past than a lie about their relashionship.

"Kiss me." Her pout faded as she rubbed her thumb against his mouth. Standing on her tip-toes, she leaned up towards him and took the matter into her own hands and just as her lips touched his, he breathed her name in a heavy sigh, "Haley."

She was soft and welcoming beneath him, her body pressed against him in all the right places, creating all the right sensations. As her tongue slid into his mouth, engaging his, he marveled anew at how perfect she was for him. The feel of her, the fit of her, the touch, taste, scent, everything of her was so right for everything in him.

* * *

The appartement light was on and Lucas, who had apparently spent the evening with Brooke, probably wanting to be there when they got back, was loudly talking with his girlfriend, making it very clear to the both of them that he was still up and awaiting Haley's entrance. Though he was happy that Haley and Nathan had decided to get to know each other better, Lucas was still a bit weary and uneasy about the situation. He wanted what was best fro Haley, she was his best friend, like his little sister, and he wasn't sure what was best for her at the moment, if it was good for her to be with Nathan like that, against what the doctor had told them. 

Nathan grinned and leaned his shoulder against the door, his focus on her, patently ignoring his brother. "This was fun. I'm glad we decided to do it."

She sighed happily, "yeah, me too. I had a really good time." Looking away, she inwardly cursed the ridiculous blush that was flushing her skin. His finger slid lightly across her cheek and she met his gaze again. His eyes were warm and tender. Beautiful. He was beautiful.

"I like you, Haley James," he murmured, forcing himself not to add 'Scott', a husky edge riding his words and his finger trailed along the line of her chin. Lifting her head slightly, she let out a shaky breath as Lucas' voice faded into intelligible sound, mixing in with the slight murmuring of the wind.

"I like you too," she managed as his arm casually snaked around her waist, pulling her loosely to him. "So, this is good night?" He nodded, his hand now cupping her face. "Are you going to kiss me now?" Smiling, he nodded again.

"Am I gonna have to wait aga--" he kissed her. His lips were soft, a light brush against her mouth, parting them with just the slightest pressure. He withdrew a breath away from her and met her gaze. "Oh," she whispered as he pressed another sweet kiss against the corner of her mouth, the tip of her chin, the column of her throat -- one, two, three kisses. His arm fell away from her back, his fingers resting lightly on her hips and then slowly they began an upward trail over the curve of her waist and breast, across her collarbone, his finger sliding along the inner edge of the bodice of her sweater, a digit of heat against her flesh.

She felt weak in the knees, her hands gripping his leather jacket to keep from falling. Her mind was a lacy mesh of emotions and feelings and desires, different hues lighting the corners of her heart and soul. She couldn't breathe, but somehow air was coming in and out in faint gasps. She couldn't think, but still a multitude of thoughts ran through her brain, images that she couldn't remember. She couldn't see, but his face clouded her vision.

Pushing the soft material to the side, he lay butterfly kisses against her shoulder, pulling her body closer to him with each kiss. And then back along the flesh of her throat, his drifting fingers lightly, softly over her breasts, his thumbs brushing against her hardened nipples through her silky, downy sweater. She felt a questing heat inside of her; liquid warmth sweeping though her blood as his lips at last, at last met her own once more.

His hands were about her face as he pillowed her bottom lip between his own, savoring the taste of her. His tongue licked at her upper lip, sliding inside, playing touch and go with her. Their breaths were caught, mingling, growing into short pants. Her arms wound themselves about his neck, clutching at his curls as she pushed herself completely against him, her mouth open to him, her heart open to him.

He was hard everywhere but for his hands, but for his lips and for the first time … for the first time, her wanting ache for him was tempered with the sweetest of desires. There was the pleasure of his touch, his kiss, but more than that was the pleasure of the man who wielded them. She felt the words bursting in her heart and found herself unable to contain them as their lips drifted apart in a slow, sensual daze.

"I love you."

Her lids fluttered open and found his eyes locked on her face. Smiling softly, he brushed her hair back, tucking curls behind her ears. "Yeah," he whispered softly, "love you too." She knew he meant 'his' Haley, but just maybe, maybe, a little part of that love was for her too.

"Ahem!" Lucas's overly loud muttering gave her a sudden jump and then the door was open. Nathan glanced up, the intensity gone from his face, and looked back down at her with a grin, still ignoring his brother.

"I think Lucas wants you to go inside now," but his voice was still soft and husky.

"I think so, too," she replied, but she didn't step outside of the circle of his arms and didn't look at Lucas either. A few moments passed as they stood in silence, enjoying the moment too much to end it. The front door opened.

"Anytime now. You know, some of us want to go to bed." Lucas stared pointedly at Nathan and then dropped his gaze, focusing on Haley's position. "Haley, why don't you come inside now. It's getting cold and it's past," back his gaze went to Nathan, "late." Brooke who had come out too chuckled at her boyfriend's words.

Sighing, Nathan unwrapped his arms about her and stepped aside. "Haley, it's been a pleasure," and then with laughter brimming in his voice, he added, "can I call you tomorrow?"

"Oh, come on, just go. Of course you're gonna call her tomorrow. Hell, you'll probably be here for breakfast. And no, that was not an invitation." Brooke said laughing. Lucas's foot began tapping impatiently, but Haley merely grinned and answered Nathan's question as if her friend hadn't spoken.

"Why yes, of course. I'll look forward to it, Nathan. I had a wonderful time."

"Moving along, moving along," Lucas muttered. Brookeslapped him playfuly.

"As did I," Nathan responded to Haley, laughter dancing in his eyes.

"You already said that, will you go? Now." Lucas stepped outside on the porch, halfway inbetween the two. "Go. Goodbye. Leave. Say 'goodnight,' Haley."

"Goodnight, Haley," she repeated.

Nathan glanced at Lucas and then at Brooke, "Goodnight, Brooke." His voice softened, "goodnight, Haley." And then he turned back to Lucas, "what, we don't get a little privacy for a goodnight kiss?"

Glaring at him, Lucas pointed to the windows, "what were you doing two minutes ago, giving her a prelude to a goodnight kiss?"

"Damn. Oh well." He smiled at Haley, "bye," and ignoring Lucas's continuing glare, he bent down and gave her a quick kiss. "Bye," he whispered into her ear as he turned and then walked away.


	21. Chapter 21

_Thanks to all of you for the replies, you're great. Here's the new chapter. Please review. Merry Christmas_

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**Chapter 21**

The day was warm and the sun shone down brightly through the clouds. Haley sat cross-legged on the blue and white checkerboard picnic blanket, her face turned upward to the sky, basking in the warmth. Nathan smiled; his gaze arrested by the joy on her face, and thought to himself again that he liked this woman. He liked her a lot. Seeing her, getting to know her without the angst and the heartache that had plagued them almost from day one, interspersed with days, an occasional week or two, of happiness, was a gift he would be forever thankful for.

Two weeks they had been 'dating' and he loved it. He had learned things about her that he hadn't known before this all happened.

This accident, this memory loss, was allowing him the chance to re-discover his wife in new ways. And for Haley, she was getting to know Nathan the man and not as she first had, as Lucas' jackass of a brother.

Whether or not these wonderful, lazy days would affect who they were once Haley remembered everything, he didn't know. Just now, he was simply savoring being with the woman he loved and not waiting for her memory to return or for the next disaster to befall them.

And he did love her. He loved 'his' Haley, and he loved 'this' Haley. They were two sides of the same woman, a before and after portrait. In her he could so clearly see the woman that she was when they met. He also appreciated much more fully the remarkable girl, woman she could be. He had been afraid that he would fall in love with 'this' Haley, thus somehow forsaking his love for 'his' Haley, but he now had hopethat that would never happen - could never happen.

She was one and the same and getting to know her like this was a joy. There had been times during their marriage when Nathan had thought that it just not could be possible that he could love her, adore her any more than he already did. He was learning differently. Seeing the young woman she was without 'his' Haley's memories and expercience made him treasure who she was now and what they had all the more. And love her more.

He could understand so much more about her, such as her connection to her mother and her father, despite their absence during their life together so far.

But a part of him couldn't wait for Haley to remember everything, he wanted to talk to her, to tell her what he saw now. He wanted the chance to be a better husband to her, a better man for her - more understanding, less controlling. And though a he was loving every moment spent getting to know her so completely, she was so open to him, so completely open and she loved him, only him; he couldn't wait for her to get her memory back. Because as much as he loved her now, a part of him still ached at the thought of what had once been, of what they had been. As much as he enjoyed being with her, the Haley she was now, and even though he now was 'this' Haley and 'his' Haley as the same person but before and after, a part a him wanted to get 'his' Haley back, the one who remebered their life together. The one he had married. But still he loved her, Haley, the one in front of him, his wife, whoever she was.

He loved her. He loved her so much.

Pushing the picnic basket to the side, he stretched out across the blanket, resting his head in her lap. She looked down at him in surprise, the smile still upon her face. Grinning, he met her gaze with a drawling "yes?"

"Are you comfortable?" There was laughter and teasing in her voice. He did love her.

"Very." His grin faded as her finger began to trace the corners of his mouth, the line of his nose. Her gaze was intent, a softness about her face that was reserved only for him. She loved him, seh hadn't known him for long, but she did love him and she so wanted him to love her. He hadn't said the words since their first date, always biting them away when they rose to his lips. It wasn't fair to 'this' Haley, he had told himself and yet he could see the want on her face, the desire to hear them again.

He hadn't been ready. Not yet. He didn't want to hurt her, but he loved her. He loved her now, loved who she was, who she would be. He loved her.

"I love you," he said then, softly, surely. Her eyes widened a bit and she let out a breathy sigh. The corners of her lips lifted and then settled back into a straight line as her lids lowered in a flash of disappointment. Quickly, she looked back up to the sky.

"It's a beautiful day." Her voice was tremulous and he could hear the threat of tears.

"Haley, I love you." Her eyes closed completely and one teardrop fell upon his lips. "I love you," he stressed the word slightly, sitting up. She nodded, but still would not look at him.

Sitting up more fully, he reached out and captured her face in the palm of his hands. "I love you."

Nodding again, she murmured softly, her eyes still downcast, "I know - you love - "

" - you. I'm not talking about 'my' Haley. I'm just talking about 'the' Haley. The beautiful, wonderful, adorable, delightful, sexy, fantastic woman sitting right in front of me. I love her." He leaned in closer, "and that's you." And it was true, he did love her. She was Haley. And, in the worse case scenario, she could be the only Haley he'd ever have, if she didn't regain her memory.

Finally, she met his gaze. "You do?"

Bending down, he pressed a soft kiss upon her lips and his breath dancing across her mouth, he whispered, "I do."

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A joy unlike any she had ever known before filled her. He loved her. Her. Not 'his' Haley, but just Haley, just her. Nathan loved her. She looked up into his beloved face, fully aware that her every emotion was visible there for him to see, but she didn't care. She never had the need to hide anything - anything from him.

"I love you." It felt so good saying the words, it felt so wonderful knowing he felt the same way. A giggle burst from her lips as she threw her arms about his neck. Laughing he fell back onto the blanket, his arms wrapping about her waist. "Do you have any idea how wonderful it feels hearing you say that?" He nodded before she even finished speaking.

"I think I have an idea," he added, smiling through his words.

"I am so happy right now. I can't remember ever, ever being happier. And it's because of you. I love you so much, Nathan. I love you."

"And I love you."

Haley sighed and tilted her face upward enjoying the warm sun on her skin. Eyes closing, she felt the warmth bursting through her body, exploding in her heart. She heard him shuffle beside her before he once again laid his head in her lap. Still, she didn't open her eyes. All she saw was the black of her closed lids and then a memory hit her.

She was in that club, TRIC, with Peyton, listening to a some rather off-key singers. And then there was a guy. He grabbed a guitar and started playing. He was really good. And she looked into his eyes. She looked into his eyes and she saw something.

Chris. Chris Keller.

Haley's eyes opened with a jolt. "Chris," she whispered.

"Hmm?" Nathan murmured softly.

She looked down at his face, her Nathan's beloved face and his eyes were still closed, a contented smile on his lips. And in her mind's eye she saw Chris' face. Chris Keller. The musician with an arrogant smirk. Chris Keller. The artist. The one she had gone on tour with.

Nathan opened his eyes, "Haley, what's wrong?" He sat up quickly and turned to face her. "What's wrong?"

Her eyes rose and she met his worried gaze. "I remember -" she paused and looked away. It felt like a betrayal. This felt like a betrayal. She loved Nathan. But she remembered Chris.

"What? You remember what?" And his hand came out, curving softly against her cheek. "Haley?"

She took a deep swallow and met his gaze. "I remember meeting," and she paused, trying to keep the tremor of emotion out of her voice, "Chris."

She failed. She could tell from the look on his face, a quick shuttering that happened in his eyes. She had failed to keep the feeling of that name from her voice, from her face. And so she looked away from Nathan, but she didn't see the trees to her side. She was still staring into Chris' eyes in her memory.


	22. Chapter 22

_Hey guys, I'm sorry it took me so long to update, but my computer and I weren't in the same place, which made it kinda difficult to write another chapter. Anyways here it is. And btw thanks to all of you for the reviews._

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**Chapter 22**

Nathan felt as if he had been kicked in the gut. Her voice, the look in her eyes when she said Chris' name. And to think just moments before he had wanted her to remember everything ... including Chris. He closed his eyes, looked away from her. He had to look away from her face -- from the emotion that memory had wrought that she was trying so desperately to conceal from him. And failing so miserably to do.

He rose quickly to his feet, her voice a heartless whisper as she called his name. Not even five minutes of happiness. Not even five minutes of the two of them able to revel in their love untainted by anything or anyone. He thought suddenly and viciously of that one. Of Chris.

"Nathan," her voice was soft, but closer to him. He hadn't heard her stand up, move towards him. "Nathan, it doesn't mean anything. I just remembered meeting him --"

He cut her off, and spoke, the viciousness still coursing through him, "-- and pretty damn soon you'll remember kissing him and leaving me." He stepped away from her, not even realizing what he'd just said. "Goddamnit! Did you have to remember him now? Now, Haley?!" But still he did not look at her. "One day, hell, a week would have been nice, but you remember him now. Now."

"I'm sorry," and there were tears. He could hear the tears in her voice and he ached suddenly for her, for him, for them. This wasn't fair. It wasn't her fault. This wasn't fair to her. "Nathan, I'm sorry." And then a pause, "I love you."

He took a deep breath, once more pushing his own feelings, his anger, his pain to the side. He turned and looked at her. Tear tracks marked her face, and she looked miserable and sorry. "I'm so sorry," she whispered again, echoing his thought. He couldn't help himself -- he never could when it came to her. Pulling her in his arms roughly, he buried his head in her golden curls and murmured words of apology.

"It's okay, I'm sorry." I'm sorry, he repeated in his mind, angry with himself for taking his disappointment out on her. It wasn't her fault. "It's not your fault, baby." He sighed heavily as she rested softly in his arms, her body curving into his as if she'd never forgotten a day of their life together.

They stood silently for a few moments, searching for the contentment they'd so recently had. It couldn't be found so easily; she pulled away and met his gaze, "Nathan, it was just the shock of it, you know? It's like it's real, but it's confusing because I love you. I do love you, but I can already feel something different. Not from you, I mean, not from the way you make me feel."

He searched her face, his heart thudding painfully against his chest, "what do you mean, not different from me?" It had to be different from him, from what they had, even now, even without all of the hell they'd overcome, what she felt for him now was stronger, had to be stronger, than anything that had happened with Chris or because of him.

"I mean, when I met him, it was, I don't know..., and it wasn't like anything I knew ... then. But now I know. I mean, I already know because it already happened. I don't know how to explain" She sniffed and blinked her eyes, one lone tear falling from her lash.

"You mean the feelings you had for him?" And he knew the hurt was in his voice, he couldn't disguise it, couldn't deny it, but she shook her head and he felt a lightness ease some of the heaviness in his heart.

"No, I mean, I didn't know what it was then. It confused me. Like you did, like the way you made me feel. But not feelings; it was envy I guess. Because of the music. But, Nathan, it's so weird. I can remember feeling the strangeness, the newness of it, but it's not strange and it's not new because I already feel this. I know what it feels like to want that already because of I did, but in my mind, in my memory it's new."

She sighed and pulled out of his arms, confusion and frustration on her face. "It's been so long since I had a memory surge I forgot how strange it was. The feeling of remembering, of being, fighting with what I already feel because of this whole crazy situation."

She closed her eyes for a minute, breathing heavily and then she opened her gaze and met his head-on. "I do know that whatever I feel, whatever I remember feeling about, "and she did not hesitate this time, "Chris is nothing compared to what I feel for you. I know that." A tear slid down her cheek as she pressed her hand against her heart. "I know that I love you. You, Nathan and only you."

The heaviness eased even more as the love she felt for him shone so strongly in her eyes, but still he felt fear. He knew her future ... and she didn't. He knew what they'd been through to be together because of Chris and how hard it had been for her to let go of the music. And if just this first memory could illicit this strong a reaction out of her and this much pain in him ... how in God's name were they going to deal with her regaining the next year of her life? The part of her life, their that had been so inexorably wrapped up in Chris Keller.


	23. Chapter 23

_I know most of you want Haley to remember Nathan, but sorry, it's still not it this chapter. But don't worry, she will soon. Anyways thanks for the reviews. I hope you like this chapter._**

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Chapter 23**

Despite going to bed early the night before, when she woke up the next morning, Haley was still exhausted. Sleep hadn't come quickly or easily. The misery that had hanged over Nathan like a pallor had been with them as they packed up the picnic stuff and drove back to her house. They had just finished putting away the food when he mumbled "goodbye" and was out the door.

She knew that he was leaving because his despair was bringing her down. She knew that it wasn't because he was angry or upset with her - although he had certainly acted like he felt both things when she had first told him about Chris. This remembrance had just hit him harder than he'd known it would. She didn't need him to tell her that, it was obvious.

Still, she needed to talk to him. And the need was growing stronger.

Last night, as she struggled to sleep, more memories had come rushing through her.  
She remembered staring at his face, recalling the sound of his voice, loving the special moments they had shared with the music.

It was difficult. She could remember so clearly wanting to work with him, enjoying the time they spent together, she remembered his interest in her, but knowing that she didn't want anything to happen. They would just remain friends. And if Nathan had not already told her that she and Chris eventually kissed, she would not have believed it would happen. But Nathan had said it would. Nathan had said that soon she would 'remember kissing Chris and leaving him.'

But how could she leave Nathan? She wanted to talk to him about that, but then again, maybe she didn't. She wasn't sure. Confusing. Her life, her memories, her heart were all confusing her. He said that she had left him.

She didn't want to know.

She didn't want to know this truth now. She didn't want to believe that she had ever been capable of leaving Nathan Scott, and with Chris Keller of all people. Why would she do something like that. Why would she do something that she was sure would hurt Nathan so much, and apparently it had.

"Damnit!" She cried out suddenly. This was all so confusing. She loved Nathan. She loved him, truly she did ... but, Chris, her heart suddenly ached.

She was just starting to remember Chris. What could have happened with him? She knew she hadn't love him, that she didn't love him. She only loved Nathan. Not Chris. Never Chris.

"No!" She jumped up, her hands flying to her face. Not Chris. She was not meant to be with anyone but Nathan. "Nathan," she cried softly. "Only Nathan." Her hands fell, hanging limply at her side as she dropped back onto the bed. Tears were running silently down her face and it hurt.

She needed him here, she needed his presence, his touch, his kiss. She needed him here. Her gaze opened and she looked about the empty room.

He wasn't here. There were only memories of Chris.

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He shouldn't be here, he thought for the hundredth time as he paced back and forth across his bedroom floor. He should be with her. He should go back to the appartement and be with her, stay with her, talk to her. Anything ... as long as it was with her.

This wasn't her fault. He knew that and he didn't blame her, couldn't blame her. It just hurt, God, it hurt so damn much. He couldn't have guessed, although he should have, but still he couldn't guess at the depth his agony would sink upon her remembrance of Chris. He had been so miserable when she had left. And this was just meeting him, how could he deal with her reaction when she recalled kissing Chris, going on tour with him..

He broke off that thought. She was his wife. What she had happen with Chris was over, completely and utterly over.

She was his. Completely. Absolutely. His. Haley Scott. "My wife," he said aloud, suddenly, possessively, and as such, he should be with her. He needed to be with her.

What she must be going through right now, he didn't want to even imagine. How real those stirring of feelings about Chris must seem right now. After all, she had told him time and time again that the memories weren't like memories. Instead, it was like living in fastforward, but the feelings the actions, reactions as they occurred in her mind played out as if it was for the first time and not just a memory.

He had to be with her.

He stopped pacing. Right now, his wife was remembering another man, and he was here walking the floor. He had to go see her now. Absolutely, positively right now. Even as this thought made its way into his mind he was crossing the room and heading down the stairs. He was not going to stand by and let Haley wallow in her memories of musician.

Slamming the front door behind him, he moved to the car, a determined jaunt to his step. She was his wife, damnit, Haley Scott; she needed him. And she was going to get him ... whether she liked it or not.

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The tears had finally stopped coming, but not the memories. And for the first time she wanted them to stop. She needed time to deal with these memories and how they would affect her and Nathan. Nathan, she thought of him with a sigh breaking her heart. She loved him so much, but still, there was Chris in the back of her mind, pushing his way forward. She sat down, hugging herself tightly, wishing away the memories, the feelings.

Go away, she thought, go away and leave me to my thoughts and dreams of Nathan.

Suddenly, there was the slamming of the front door. She looked up at the sharp sound, momentarily glad of the distraction. She waited, hoping against hope that she would hear Nathan's voice. She so needed him here with her now. How could he not know that? How could he not be here? She needed him.

And then her door opened and he was there, entering so quickly that she didn't have a chance to speak. Within seconds he swept her up into his arms, his hand curving about her face, his lips devouring hers. For a split-second, she was frozen in shock, but the warmth of his touch, the pleasure of this kiss, the feel of him melted her into happy submission as she clutched the lapels of his jacket.

Lowering her onto the bed, one hand caressed the shape of her ear while the other molded her dress to her body. She felt as if she were drowning in a whirlpool of tactile sensation. Flooded with desire, her heart beat at a dizzying pace, her blood streaming through her body with the speed of a screaming bullet. His breath whispered across her face as he trailed kisses from her lips, across her chin, down her neck. All the while he touched her, running fingers through her hair, curving fiercely against her flesh, over and under her dress, his thumb rubbing against her heightened nipple. And as his tongue savored the taste of her flesh, he spoke inbetween kisses and licks and sighs and moans.

"Love you -" A kiss soft and silky against her bottom lip. "Want you -" a brush of fingers against her breast. "Mine. My wife -" a trail of his tongue across the column of her throat. "Haley Scott." And then for emphasis, again, "Scott."

And again his lips were on hers, maddeningly slow at first as if he were tasting her for the first time and in so doing treasuring the feel of her kiss. Hungrily, she pressed for more without thought. This man, this man kissing her, holding her, was all she needed, all she loved. He was here. She needed him and he was here, wiping away memories of anyone before him. He answered her call, his tongue sliding between her lips, his hands holding her close as if he would never let her go. He would never let her breathe, think, dream, want anyone but him. Only him. Only Nathan. Slowly, his mouth drifted from hers, his breath falling heavily, mingling deeply with hers.

She opened her eyes and his gaze was locked firmly, completely upon her - he was staring straight into her - straight into her soul. "Haley," again he said. "Haley Scott. You are mine. Only mine." And then he captured her lips in a soft, sensual kiss. "Always mine."

And as his mouth once more began a slow and passionate exploration of hers, she could remember nothing but him. Feel nothing but him. He was all there was.

Only him. Always him.


	24. Chapter 24

_I'm really, really sorry I haven't been able to update sooner. I've had a few problems lately and I wasn't able to right, wasn't really in the mood. Whatever. Anyway, I'm not sure about this chapter, I think it kinda sucks, you tell me. So please review._**

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Chapter 24**

She lay soft and acquiesent beside him, her breathing labored as she gazed up at him. There was none of the cloudiness, the moodiness that had shrouded them the day before upon remembering Chris.

He traced the line of her face, his fingers lingering on the soft flesh of her ear, pushing back strands of golden hair. "I love you," she murmured, "I love you, Nathan." And he smiled.

And suddenly it hit her.

Her tutoring him on the docks. The crackerjack box bracelet. "Don't say I never gave you anything". The kiss in front of her parents house. Them on the beach with her parents. "Always and forever". Working with Chris. The ultimate Nathan gave her and her decision to follow Chris on tour. Nathan telling her not to come home after his accident. Her finally coming back. Nathan's resentment. Them getting back together. The classic sparkle competition. Her singing at TRIC. The school shooting.

Haley found herself literally breathless, she had to gasp for air. Nathan could feel her trembling beside him, her breathing coming in short pants, tears running down her face.

"Haley? What is it?" Why was she crying?

Shaking her head, she started to speak, but then hesitated, a quick flash of perplexion on her face. She remembered. These were her memories. Everything that she had forgotten.

"Haley. Is something wrong? You have to tell me. We are in this together. I told you I would be there for you, but you need to talk to me." Her silence was starting to make him nervous. "I'm not going to give you a chance to push me away" He was taking her silence and hesitation to talk as a sign that she was pulling away. "You understand that." It wasn't a question. She lowered her gaze, but immediately his hand was beneath her chin, lifting her face so that she had to look at him. "Haley, do you understand that? I'm going to help you so you can remember. So you can remember our life together."

A smile began curving her lips, "Nathan, you can't do this. Remember what Dr. Robertson said?"

"To hell with Robertson. You're my wife. And I am not going to sit by while you remember some moron with a guitar and still don't have any memories of me, of us."

"Nathan-" She started, wanting to tell her that she remembered, but he cut her off.

The smile left his face. He thought she was going to tell him that it was wrong. And he was jealous that she had remembered Chris and not him. But she was wrong if she thought he was going to just back off. He was going to make sure that she never loved anyone but him. If she never got her memory back, but only remembered things this way, then he was damn well gonna make sure that he was the only man she ever remembered truly loving. Reaching out, he curved a hand about her face, his thumb caressing her earlobe.

"It's not gonna happen. I want you back. I want my Haley back. I want you to remember me, to remember what we had. To remember loving me and being with me. I want you to remember but I wish you didn't have to remember the bad things. Like Chris. I don't want you to remember all the heartaches. I just want you back. All of you. And everytime you think of Chris or any other bad stuff that I'm sure you'll remember someday, I'm going to be here, showing you how much I love you.Everytime I am going to be here showing you our love." By then tears were also staining his face.

He leaned closer to her, his lips a breath away from her ear as his fingers became entangled in her hair. "When you remember something getting in ou way, I am going to show you your wedding ring ... the ring that I gave you. When you think of a future without me, I am going to remind you in every way I can that you are my wife."

"Always and forever." It was the only thing she could say, but it took his breath away. Could it be? Could that mean? Nathan didn't want to think about it in case it wasn't what it thought it was. She had really said those words. Their words.

"Haley?" He turned to face her, wonder on his face. Could these words erase the heartache they were living in since her accident? Could it be the answer he was waiting for?

He wanted it to be true, but was scared of the truth. But in a distant corner of his mind, he believed.

Just when he was about to say something, she kissed him and whispered "You always remembered. You remembered everything."

"What?" He looked at her confused.

"You remembered the way I wore my hair the first day I tutored you, you remembered about the shirt and the shoes too."

"Haley?...You... You remember that?"

"I.. Nathan..I remember everything."


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